Meaning I'm not good at it. I don't enjoy it. Narcotic drugs and I, we aren't friends. Sure, there have been some in my life that gave me a mellow high and a ton of really deep sleep. These have been few and far between. Mostly drugs of the narcotic sort have to be saved for pain so bad that I am willing to endure the night terrors, the crying jags, the overwhelming feeling of everything in my life being wrong and bad. Then there is the itching, the need to claw through my skin until I can see daylight on on the other side can be incredible.
I finally stepped my pain pills down, and they took the pain's edge away. Yesterday the pain was a bit like an ice pick being repeatedly jabbed into the socket where once there was a tooth. Today it's more like a butter knife. Still unpleasant but not as jabbing, more like "hey why are you poking me with that butter knife?" sort of thing.
I feel like I have some sort of mortification of the tooth socket going on. It's going to be sin free when this is all over, I tell you.
I have to get my shit together today, I have to shower, for one, and sort of NOT LAY DOWN ALL DAY. I feel like this would be a positive. The down side is I'm still really weak, I feel like I was really physically taxed, I'm just tired and dizzy and weak. I'm hoping that if I only take ibuprofen today that it will fade, surely it's just the narcotic.
My kids have been very sweet taking care of me, when they haven't been annoying by not being quiet when I so desperately needed it.
Today the twins are supposed to have soccer but it rained like a bitch yesterday and I'm just not feeling like standing around in a mud bog watching a bunch of special needs kids play soccer. That probably makes me a bad person, but honestly, I don't think I can do it today. I probably can't do anything much but I am considering trying not to nap and calling it an achievement.
Or maybe no nap before noon....my will is fading.