A Mommy Blog About Raising Men, Not Boys.

Monday, April 07, 2014

This Challenging and Rewarding Journey

I am weary of people dressing up my existence like it's some great trial and there will be a bonus for completing this level.

There is a couples retreat locally that is for parents raising children on the Spectrum. I would like to say that, even though I don't have anything like people who could or would take my kids for a weekend, I think it's a good thing. I am only marginally jealous that this isn't available to US. It would be nice, to talk to other parents, to laugh about our crazy lives with people who TRULY get it.

That's not my gripe.

My real gripe is how special needs literature of ANY sort always has to dress it up like we've been given some prize.

THIS IS THE WORST PRIZE EVER. I was given children with a mental disability and this is a prize? REALLY. Wow. What does the runner up get? Their head on a pike?

The thing is, people seem to be afraid to just acknowledge that your life can be very shitty but you can still find things to be happy about. You can survive and even thrive, whilst churning through the chaos. I don't look on the bright side and try to find what 's positive because this is "a challenging and rewarding journey." There is no endgame nor REWARD for doing this right. There is also really no penalty for doing it wrong.

I look for what's good, I cry sometimes, and I find a reason to be happy every day BECAUSE THERE IS NO REWARD TO THIS JOURNEY. It's my responsibility as a human, for both myself and my family to create a good world. I have to wake up and put my feet on the ground and create good things in this world. I only get one shot and I won't always succeed but whether I win or lose, it's not because of some elusive "reward" to my life.

There are people in this life who look at children needing a home and a family, children with special needs, and they take them into their homes. They make lives and worlds for these children. They sacrifice themselves intentionally, their freedoms, and abandon a life of selfish living for the good of a child who needs them. These people elected a challenging journey, and I think they probably feel it's rewarding because they are truly doing GOOD in this world.

There is a lot to feel good about in that.

But as for me, I'm simply playing the cards I was dealt. I didn't make this choice. I promise you I am far too selfish for all that.

If there are rewards, I want them to be like Greenstamps. I will cash them in for a blender or toaster.


Isle said...

Your writing is so clean and awesome, it amazes me every time I read your blogs. Your truth is so strong and real, you have my heart felt admiration for all you do.

And I think you need to aim even higher.. think 'large appliances'. After all, you get double the reward points, right?

Samara Furse-Barzane said...

What Isle said.