So I I Know I'm In My 40s But...

Ok I'm going to own up straight off the bat to liking a terrible song. 
I LIKE MOVES LIKE JAGGER from Maroon 5.
Ok seriously, it's a fluff piece and I'm not above being in love with some serious fluff in my life. I'll bawl like a baby during Steel Magnolias and Fried Green Tomatoes. So I get it. It's a dance tune supposed to be sexy and catchy and festive. It's all of those things. Except that it doesn't make any SENSE.
For a while I thought I had BINGO JED syndrome and was mishearing the lyrics. So I looked them up a couple of different places. I also looked up the Wiki on this song (WTF DOES EVERYTHING HAVE A WIKI?)
So then let's go through it because it starts off making sense.
Just shoot for the stars
If it feels right
And aim for my heart
If you feel like
And take me away and make it OK
I swear I'll behave

You wanted control
So we waited
I put on a show
Now I make it
You say I'm a kid
My ego is big
I don't give a shit
And it goes like this
So far it's ok right? I mean it's like hey girl I like you and I'm trying to impress you to get sexy times. 
Take me by the tongue
And I'll know you
Kiss me 'til you're drunk
And I'll show you

All the moves like Jagger
I've got the moves like Jagger
I've got the moves like Jagger

I don't need to try to control you
Look into my eyes and I'll own you

With them moves like Jagger
I've got the moves like Jagger
I've got the moves like Jagger

I gotta raise a slight eyebrow at this point because, the whole "take me by the tongue" thing, while meant to be sexy just gives me this image of Willie Wonka grabbing Veruka Salt by the tongue and saying "We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of dreams." And see Gene Wilder isn't sexy and so now I'm in a not sexy place AT ALL with this song which is tragic because Adam Levine IS the sexy as seen HERE:

And Willie Wonka Gene Wilder is NOT as seen HERE:

So already I'm sideways on the sexy with this song. Plus, to me, Mick Jagger isn't really sexy. I didn't ever think he was sexy when he was younger and I really never found him to be a good dancer, if anything he's more like a creepy uncle trying to be sexy when he dances. So, at this point the entire POINT of the song is failing for me. 

But I love me some Adam Levine and a catchy tune so I plod onward.
Maybe it's hard
When you feel like you're broken and scarred
Nothing feels right
But when you're with me
I'll make you believe
That I've got the key

Oh
So get in the car
We can ride it
Wherever you want
Get inside it
And you want to steer
But I'm shifting gears
I'll take it from here (Oh! Yeah yeah!)
And it goes like this (Uh)

Ok so, now, is this a metaphor car? Because if it's a METAPHOR car then I guess she wanted to be on top but now he's going to be on top. That's my take away. Oh and she's got emotional issues from previous relationships and he's going to fix them with sexytimes (see above picture for verification).
Now Xtina Aguilara comes in (see how hip I am with the cool spelling) and she's got this big secret she's going to share with him.
You wanna know how to make me smile
Take control, own me just for the night
And if I share my secret
You're gonna have to keep it
Nobody else can see this

So watch and learn
I won't show you twice
Head to toe, oooh baby rub me right
But if I share my secret
You're gonna have to keep it
Nobody else can see this (Ay! Ay! Ay! Aaay!)

And it goes like this

Ok so first off, the Wiki says that this is supposed to be like a sort of flirtation dance that takes place in a club with a guy trying to impress a girl with his dance moves. Well, if that's the case, I'm not sure what sort of club it is because if this girl is showing him what I THINK she is showing him, well, that's just not very ladylike to do in public.

All that aside, I like this damned song.

And it goes like this........

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