I was talking to Sarah today, and we were talking about Erin. We were talking about her White House trip and we were talking about how she's doing and I was hoping she had a really good trip, saying I thought she needed it - just for her MIND.
As we got to talking, talk wandered the way it does whenever anyone working through any kind of disability....to the twins.
Now, I am the one who went there. It's all me. Sarah didn't. She hasn't seen the twins since they were two. She doesn't really even know what they are like now, just what she reads.
So - I kind of shared with her that I really only blog the good stuff.
Because if I blogged the struggles, the challenges, all the ridiculous shit that makes the husband and I want to bash our heads in the wall....well, I'd never ever stop writing.
Right now, one is spinning a baby toy with a rattle thing on it as hard as he can. He's bashing it against the mini-fridge here in the computer room.
He likes both spinning and making noise.
The other one is sort of hopping from one foot to the other, doing that clap thing that special ed kids seem to do where they flap more than clap.
This is real time blogging of autism happening.
I'm sitting here typing and ignoring it.
If they needed something, I'd stop typing and take care of it. If one of them wanted a snuggle or a hug or a kiss, I'd stop typing and give it. But they don't right now so I'm typing faster trying to wrap it up.
I guess I'm wondering, do I define myself too much, paint too tragic a picture if I really let you in? Sometimes I'm all about letting you in but mostly I'm not. Because I don't want to be seen as ONLY the parent of autistic children. I don't want to be ONLY anything.
But maybe I'm not being fair. Maybe I know stuff you don't know. Maybe someone else would feel better knowing they aren't the only one with seven year olds in diapers.
I don't know what to think.
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4 comments:
I think you write the adventures of being a parent... of four children, two of which happen to be twins who also just happen to have an ASD.
I love your blog, you write about the real stuff, the important things, and it's you. You're many things Gidge & this to me is a peek into your perspective on life.. I love it :) I'm sure this blog will evolve in the way you want it to or need it too *hugs* <3
Write the life you live.
There's been rarely a time when I've read your blog about pity. And this isn't it either. It's about your life, your loves, your tribulations and your joys. You have a way of saying the things that IS your life that touches our lives in ways that show us how much we take for granted.
And for those times when it seems too overwhelming for you, just know that there are those of us out here who love you for your depth of strength and courage to live and to share - with friends and strangers alike.
Love, T
Agreed. Sometimes we write about what we want to write about and sometimes we write about what we HAVE to write about.
You know, you are right. I still think of them as two and it is hard to imagine them at seven at all. Part of me agrees that a straight up blog about the struggles would be taxing to read, but freeing to write.
I think you do a really good job with the balance.
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