Tuesday night into Wednesday I couldn't sleep. They left the baby with me, which really was rather pointless in my opinion. I could barely get up or down still, but the night nursing staff was totally into the "OH YOU ARE GETTING SO MUCH BETTER WE'RE GONNA LEAVE YOU ON YOUR OWN!" routine. So there we were, she and I....stumbling through the night. I woke up every time she squeaked, every time a door opened and shut in the hall, every time the ice machine which sounded as though it was right outside my door. Every time I looked at the clock only twenty minutes or so had passed.
Eventually the sun came up and breakfast rolled in, at the same time as the baby wanted to nurse. I let my food get cold as I struggled with nursing her, none of my kids have ever nursed. They just hate it and act insane. I was determined to get her to nurse, however. At about this point the lactation consultant breezed in - mumbled about how EASY breastfeeding is, took a look at my nipples and gave me a nipple shield to use to make them more baby friendly.
Of course, while she stood there, using the nipple shield the baby nursed immediately.
"SEE?" she says and leaves.
The second she leaves the baby starts screaming and going nuts.
I tried and tried for 30 minutes and then said fuck it and gave her a bottle out of the bassinet and she promptly fell back to sleep.
After eating my ice cold breakfast and struggled to the bathroom HALLELUJAH I CAN PEE and then struggled back, fighting against the lethargy that seemed to fill my legs. I was also in a lot more pain this morning, which I couldn't figure out. I knew that they had woken me up for pills in the night. But my hips and abdomen hurt like hell.
The baby was asleep so I thought maybe I would try to sleep. Right about when I was going to drift off - the lady from the birth certificate office showed up. She left, then the photographer showed up. She left, then the lady who wanted some blood showed up.
Then I had to pee again.
Sigh......seriously, everything hurts, I'm so tired.........and as stated previously, the bathroom was AT LEAST 8 FEET AWAY. My hips didn't want to move. My right leg had a cramp. And GOD my abdomen hurt. So I struggled to the bathroom and back, and right about then, Nurse Meg came in.
She was cheery and sweet, and reminded me a lot of my first night nurse. Apparently I now HAD to shower (ok I was pretty gross, this wasn't the WORST idea) and she got me towels and told me to call her when I was done because she had to apply some sort of crap to my incision.
So I found my nightgown from home, and all my shampoo and stuff and took it all to the bathroom.....and then turned on the shower.
Except, I couldn't get the SHOWER to come on. Just the tub faucet. So I mess around with the levers, and all the things on the faucet apparatus that appear to BE the thing that would make the shower work. It hurts like hell to be bending over to figure this out.
Eventually I get light headed and stumble BACK to my bed and hit the nurse call button. I was feeling pretty much in control when I hit it....I was thinking, I'll just ask someone to show me how it works......no big deal. They're all different they won't think this is stupid..............
and the nurse answered and I just started sobbing. "I can't work the shower."
Nurse Meg to the rescue. She came in and took my hands and asked me what was wrong and I just unloaded. Everything was too hard, everything hurts too much, I can't work the shower, no one will leave me alone, I just want to sleep, I can't take care of the baby, people are too noisy outside, I HATE THIS............................and I just sobbed and sobbed and I'm fairly sure I looked like a maniac, a maniac who hadn't showered since Monday Morning.
She and another nurse took me to the bathroom, fired up the shower - AND GAVE ME A SHOWER. That's right. I was officially a freaking invalid as now people had to bathe me. They washed my hair and cleaned me up and then Nurse Meg put my nightgown from home on me and I'm gonna admit, yeah I cried the whole time.
Then Nurse Meg lowered my bed, put me into it and tucked me in tight, like a little kid. She pulled the drapes and told the other nurse to take the baby to the nursery. After checking my chart she told me that we'd missed a round of painkillers in the night and promptly gave them to me. She turned off my phone and moved it out of my reach and said "Nap, three hours. You are exhausted and absolutely need to sleep. I will be back in three hours to see how you are. I am not allowing any visitors or any staff in to see you for three hours. Go to sleep now. Hit the nurse call if you need me."
I lay there and didn't even protest. I hate laying down wet headed but I didn't mind. I closed my eyes and let sleep just roll over me and it was like the best drug ever.
Somebody again tell me how much easier this is than vaginal delivery............