Friday, March 21, 2008
We sent the husband for a CT scan because of his hernias last week. He's had these hernias, causing him severe - sometimes debilitating abdominal pain for probably two years. Or more. Our doctor in Tampa said "oh you've got hernias, you're too fat we can't do surgery until you lose weight blah blah blah." They prescribed pain killers which he couldn't really take AND care for the children so were then useless.
Instead of hernias, they came back with concerns of "shotty retroperitoneal lymphadenopathy" and some other concerns.
Not much to say about hernias.
So we go now to check for cancer. Types of cancer. To see what is the problem inside the father of my children, what is causing him so much pain.
And I worry like I have never, ever in my life worried about anything. The "what ifs" spin out of control in my mind. I want to scream and hit. Mostly our previously doctor. And Fate. I'm thinking about my children and I'm thinking about my husband and what HE is going through.
Insert panic and fear here.
I'm not sure what to actually SAY about this.
There could be "ok" news, do X Y Z and he'll be "ok". There could be terrible, unimaginable news. I don't know how to bridge the gap of possibilities we are facing. Or how to articulate them.
When is the adult who is going to take care of us going to show up? We surely can't be grown up enough to be in the place, can we?
The picture above is an actual shot of the tornado tearing through downtown Atlanta.
Wish us luck.