Birth Stories Part One

So Sarah has been after me to tell my birth stories because they crack her up.......so I'll begin with #1.
When I had Louis, obviously, it was with a lot of nervousness. Everyone tells you every horror story that ever happened to them or anyone they know in labor (I had to have 85 stitches/I pushed for six hours/My epidural wore off/They Dropped the Baby) as well as some less generic horror stories, such as one person told me that she had a complete freak out at the hospital. She checked in, was in labor, and then at some point pre-epidural, she went into the bathroom and put on all her clothes because she decided not to do that THAT day....she was going home - needless to say that didn't work out for her.
So I took the baby classes to prepare, decided I wanted all the drugs they had AND THEN SOME and waited.
On Friday night the 28th of September I went to a birthday party for Mackenzie Sorensen. She turned three and is the little girl of my friend Renee. Renee and our friend Michele sipped wine or some other booze and I drank juice and watched little girls run around and play gleefully with new toys. I went home that night, and Scott went out to Lynagh's (the local pub) because he knew it would be one of the last nights he could go out.
The next morning at around 6am I woke up and thought, damn, I peed my pants.
I changed my underwear and went back to bed.
I woke up at 8:00 and thought, DAMN, I peed my pants AGAIN! Then I stood up to go get MORE Underpants and it hit me......I was peeing down my legs. But it wasn't pee, of course. My water broke! I shook Scott awake from the sleep of "Too much beer" and said "My water broke, it's time."
I took a shower, shaved my legs and wondered what the hell was going to happen next.
After I put on a pad, got dressed and went downstairs I called my mom to tell her today was DDAY.
I was supposed to go to a baby shower that morning - so I wrapped the gift and told Scott we'd drop it off on our way.
The most important thing I learned at my baby class was about the food. Screw the breathing and all that crap. The food. They don't feed you. Once you are there, there is no food until that baby comes out. But once the baby is out, you can eat. These were the rules I memorized.

Well it was morning, and I was hungry. So I called work and told them I was dropping off said baby shower gift as I could not come to the shower since I was in labor, then I made Scott take me to Mcdonalds where I FEASTED on an Egg McMuffin (2) and a hash brown and a large coke.

We dropped off the baby gift at work and of course everyone freaked out "where have you been" "you called an hour ago why aren't you at the hospital!?" I really thought they were overly dramatic about it....I felt fine!

Now that I had run my errands and had breakfast, I was ready to go to the hospital. When I got to the hospital I learned that my parents had been calling frantically to find out if I was there yet.

It was really a very easy delivery, I had Louis that night after 9:30. I spent my day watching the GODFATHER series on TBS, drugged to the gills, and calling people on the phone. Eventually they moved the phone because I was interfering with them doing stuff to me.

In my class, one other thing they said, was that when the baby's head would come out you were supposed to stop pushing so that they could suction out the nose or something. So when his head came out I stopped pushing and the whole delivery team screamed "Don't stop pushing!"
Damn people, I'm just doing as instructed here! Then, as his shoulder cleared the doctor said "OH MY GOD HE'S HUGE!"
This is not something you want to hear as something is departing your body. I actually pushed my mask aside and said "That isn't helping me!"

Once he was out, off everyone went. To wash the baby, to weigh the baby etc etc. Suddenly I was alone.
All alone.

And very hungry.

It just so happened that I had a one pound bag of M & Ms sitting near enough to reach if I stretch my otherwise numb torso over there.

Mmmmmm. M & Ms. They were so good. I was so hungry. I scarfed down the entire bag in a matter of minutes.

Suddenly, back into the room came the doctor, a nurse and Scott. Seemed that no one realized that no one had stayed with me...........and I showered them with a rainbow of chocolate puke.

Seems that you have to wait until the anesthesia wears off before you eat........
they weren't clear on that in the class.