Let Me Part The Curtains

In What Would Keith Richard do (hereafter referred to as WWKRD) we learn that Keith thinks that secrets are a bad thing. It's his philosophy that he can tell you a truth FAR WORSE than any lie you'd make up about him. If you want to peep in his window, he'll open the curtain to be certain you don't miss anything.
I think I'm pretty straightforward and out there about how things are around here. It's probably why I get so freaking peeved at people who say stuff about how awesome and amazing our lives are.

I just want to say, WOW are you NOT paying attention?

Maybe it's because I am happy.

My son's speech therapist, after learning that not only do I have the gifted little boy who has a speech impediment but also have autistic twins, said "I can't believe you're so cheery and smiling. I'd be sobbing with everything you've got going, AND A BABY?"

I don't ever know what to say to that.

You can't be sobbing all the time.

You can't.

Yeah you kinda want to. But, you can't.

Sure we have bad days and the husband and I stress out and yell at each other when what we want to do is yell at recombinant DNA, or pollution, or mercury, or flu shots, or WHATEVER THE HELL IT IS that causes autism.

So I thought that since I normally share a lot of my sunshine, but maybe recently not so much of the grit, that I'd reintroduce the grit the best way I know how.

With poop.

Early Monday morning I was luxuriating in my awesome hotel bed in the Aloft hotel in Chapel Hill, North Carolina. Which, incidentally was incredibly swank and awesome. They truly are my favorite hotel not owned by Disney ever.

So anyway, the firs thing that crossed my mind as the wave of pain wrapped around my midsection was "Oh GOD not my PERIOD AGAIN!"

But I shortly realized that wasn't it and dashed off to the equally awesome and luxurious bathroom.

I'd go into a lot of details about gut wrenching pain and watering eyes and straining but that's not what happened. Instead, my body said EVERYBODY OUT and something I can only describe as being the size and length of my large colon immediately exited my body in one motion.

After I had recovered my wits, we all got dressed and went over to UNC hospital for our appointment with the autism research study.

Yeah it went well. This isn't about that.

Next we went for brunch. While at brunch, the poop incidents continue.

One twin, as I'm cleaning him up from his diaper change, I realize, is POOPING. So I plop him on the toilet where he screams and cries and makes quite a scene. And refuses to poop IN the toilet.

Sigh.

Then I change the girl, and she's the damn playdoh poop factory.Mid diaper change she just starts pooping and pooping and pooping. That was AWESOME. I think the lady who walked in while I was changing her wasn't as keen on it though as me.

Once we got to our restaurant for dinner, again - poopie pants all around. Except the biggest boy. Kudos to you, 8 year old in the gifted class, for not giving in to peer pressure in the van and pooping your pants.

Six in the course of our meal at Buffalo Wild wings, did I change a diaper. And at least half of those were poopie diapers.

Really. Does that sound idyllic and magical to you?

Here is the lesson. Let me part the curtain for you.

No, it's not all bad. But don't be fooled by the happy smiling pictures above. Because I'm pretty sure than in at least half of those photos, one kid has a load in their pants.

And now if you'll excuse me, from the smell emanating behind me, someone has pooped their pants. Gotta go.

Oh and my HOW TO COPE tip of the day. Cotton Candy Cosmopolitan. Please see below.

Let Me Part The Curtains

In What Would Keith Richard do (hereafter referred to as WWKRD) we learn that Keith thinks that secrets are a bad thing. It's his philosophy that he can tell you a truth FAR WORSE than any lie you'd make up about him. If you want to peep in his window, he'll open the curtain to be certain you don't miss anything.
I think I'm pretty straightforward and out there about how things are around here. It's probably why I get so freaking peeved at people who say stuff about how awesome and amazing our lives are.

I just want to say, WOW are you NOT paying attention?

Maybe it's because I am happy.

My son's speech therapist, after learning that not only do I have the gifted little boy who has a speech impediment but also have autistic twins, said "I can't believe you're so cheery and smiling. I'd be sobbing with everything you've got going, AND A BABY?"

I don't ever know what to say to that.

You can't be sobbing all the time.

You can't.

Yeah you kinda want to. But, you can't.

Sure we have bad days and the husband and I stress out and yell at each other when what we want to do is yell at recombinant DNA, or pollution, or mercury, or flu shots, or WHATEVER THE HELL IT IS that causes autism.

So I thought that since I normally share a lot of my sunshine, but maybe recently not so much of the grit, that I'd reintroduce the grit the best way I know how.

With poop.

Early Monday morning I was luxuriating in my awesome hotel bed in the Aloft hotel in Chapel Hill, North Carolina. Which, incidentally was incredibly swank and awesome. They truly are my favorite hotel not owned by Disney ever.

So anyway, the firs thing that crossed my mind as the wave of pain wrapped around my midsection was "Oh GOD not my PERIOD AGAIN!"

But I shortly realized that wasn't it and dashed off to the equally awesome and luxurious bathroom.

I'd go into a lot of details about gut wrenching pain and watering eyes and straining but that's not what happened. Instead, my body said EVERYBODY OUT and something I can only describe as being the size and length of my large colon immediately exited my body in one motion.

After I had recovered my wits, we all got dressed and went over to UNC hospital for our appointment with the autism research study.

Yeah it went well. This isn't about that.

Next we went for brunch. While at brunch, the poop incidents continue.

One twin, as I'm cleaning him up from his diaper change, I realize, is POOPING. So I plop him on the toilet where he screams and cries and makes quite a scene. And refuses to poop IN the toilet.

Sigh.

Then I change the girl, and she's the damn playdoh poop factory.Mid diaper change she just starts pooping and pooping and pooping. That was AWESOME. I think the lady who walked in while I was changing her wasn't as keen on it though as me.

Once we got to our restaurant for dinner, again - poopie pants all around. Except the biggest boy. Kudos to you, 8 year old in the gifted class, for not giving in to peer pressure in the van and pooping your pants.

Six in the course of our meal at Buffalo Wild wings, did I change a diaper. And at least half of those were poopie diapers.

Really. Does that sound idyllic and magical to you?

Here is the lesson. Let me part the curtain for you.

No, it's not all bad. But don't be fooled by the happy smiling pictures above. Because I'm pretty sure than in at least half of those photos, one kid has a load in their pants.

And now if you'll excuse me, from the smell emanating behind me, someone has pooped their pants. Gotta go.

Oh and my HOW TO COPE tip of the day. Cotton Candy Cosmopolitan. Please see below.

Where Did 9 Months Go?

In the amount of time it took for gestation, my little lump of grumpy hungry human has suddenly started turning into a girl.

She thinks things are funny. Hilarious mostly. She repeats words that fall within the range of consonant sounds she has mastered. She has a phone, given to us back when the twins were babies by Sarah which the twins thought was ok but she cannot be without.

She is a GIRL.

Even without all the pink I compulsively dress her in. She is unmistakably a female of the species.

9 months ago, at this exact moment, they were reaching as far into my abdomen as they could to pull her out from under my ribs. I wasn't really happy, at that moment in time. Her birth was the only one of the three I went through that wasn't a moment of joy. I was too afraid to feel joy or anything else.

But nearly every minute since then she has been the most amazing sunshine in our lives. She's the cheeriest baby we ever made, that's for sure.

Some people have asked me what would we have done if we hadn't gotten a girl, and I guess I'd be writing about how I had a little boy who was also sunshine.

Happy 9 Months Day little girl. We really do like you a lot.

Where Did 9 Months Go?

In the amount of time it took for gestation, my little lump of grumpy hungry human has suddenly started turning into a girl.

She thinks things are funny. Hilarious mostly. She repeats words that fall within the range of consonant sounds she has mastered. She has a phone, given to us back when the twins were babies by Sarah which the twins thought was ok but she cannot be without.

She is a GIRL.

Even without all the pink I compulsively dress her in. She is unmistakably a female of the species.

9 months ago, at this exact moment, they were reaching as far into my abdomen as they could to pull her out from under my ribs. I wasn't really happy, at that moment in time. Her birth was the only one of the three I went through that wasn't a moment of joy. I was too afraid to feel joy or anything else.

But nearly every minute since then she has been the most amazing sunshine in our lives. She's the cheeriest baby we ever made, that's for sure.

Some people have asked me what would we have done if we hadn't gotten a girl, and I guess I'd be writing about how I had a little boy who was also sunshine.

Happy 9 Months Day little girl. We really do like you a lot.

Let It Snow - Last Week

Right after Christmas we had lots of winter fun going to an outdoor lights show and partaking of the firepit marshmallow roasting. That would've been a perfect time for some lovely white fluffy snow right?

No it didn't come that week, did it? It let us get more than a week beyond the holidays. We got beyond the sweets and cookies, beyond the hot chocolate and warm holiday cheer.
So after all the holiday shenanigans, AFTER the holiday lights and the marshmallows and hot chocolate consumed around the fire pits, a good TWO WEEKS after, Atlanta get socked with a snow AND ice storm.

People who live up north don't get it. So let me help you out. I'm from the north. So yeah I get the snarly giggling that goes on. "Atlanta has a misting of snow, it's closed today." Except that isn't what happened. We got seven inches in some places. Then, we got ice.

So you smart mouths now, tell me some more about what a joke it is that Atlanta closed for a week.

It's a lot worse than most people who aren't from here would guess, because what most people don't actually know is that the Atlanta metro is amazingly hilly. Up north we Hoosiers have a big flat place on which to deal with our ice and snow. It's a skill. Here, there is no skill. If there is ice and there is gravity, you won't win. Not ever.

But for little boys who have grown up in a snow deficit, it's pretty amazing.

A REAL snow storm. Really missing SCHOOL because of a SNOW STORM. It was everything they'd ever imagined and then some.
Atlanta may not see another storm like this for another ten years. I am glad we didn't miss this one.

And this is the look of joy you get on your face when you see your family for the first time in three days, after having been snowed in at work - a mere 18 miles away.

Now it's raining and the snow is leaving.

Thank God.

Let It Snow - Last Week

Right after Christmas we had lots of winter fun going to an outdoor lights show and partaking of the firepit marshmallow roasting. That would've been a perfect time for some lovely white fluffy snow right?

No it didn't come that week, did it? It let us get more than a week beyond the holidays. We got beyond the sweets and cookies, beyond the hot chocolate and warm holiday cheer.
So after all the holiday shenanigans, AFTER the holiday lights and the marshmallows and hot chocolate consumed around the fire pits, a good TWO WEEKS after, Atlanta get socked with a snow AND ice storm.

People who live up north don't get it. So let me help you out. I'm from the north. So yeah I get the snarly giggling that goes on. "Atlanta has a misting of snow, it's closed today." Except that isn't what happened. We got seven inches in some places. Then, we got ice.

So you smart mouths now, tell me some more about what a joke it is that Atlanta closed for a week.

It's a lot worse than most people who aren't from here would guess, because what most people don't actually know is that the Atlanta metro is amazingly hilly. Up north we Hoosiers have a big flat place on which to deal with our ice and snow. It's a skill. Here, there is no skill. If there is ice and there is gravity, you won't win. Not ever.

But for little boys who have grown up in a snow deficit, it's pretty amazing.

A REAL snow storm. Really missing SCHOOL because of a SNOW STORM. It was everything they'd ever imagined and then some.
Atlanta may not see another storm like this for another ten years. I am glad we didn't miss this one.

And this is the look of joy you get on your face when you see your family for the first time in three days, after having been snowed in at work - a mere 18 miles away.

Now it's raining and the snow is leaving.

Thank God.

Learning To Talk

Both of my twins have speech assistance machines. Miles doesn't seem to need his so much anymore, or would rather use it to play. But Charlie can use his to express need which is a huge deal.

If you don't know why it's a big deal to express need, picture two six year olds who scream hysterically and thrash around when they want something, versus just asking you for it.

Imagine your six year old like a newborn - where you were just trying everything till you hit the right thing.

That was where we were before they started school.

What a difference.

Some people have expressed interest in what these machines are like, so this is a brief example. Charlie was grumpy so we used the machine to have us tell him what he wants.

Learning To Talk

Both of my twins have speech assistance machines. Miles doesn't seem to need his so much anymore, or would rather use it to play. But Charlie can use his to express need which is a huge deal.

If you don't know why it's a big deal to express need, picture two six year olds who scream hysterically and thrash around when they want something, versus just asking you for it.

Imagine your six year old like a newborn - where you were just trying everything till you hit the right thing.

That was where we were before they started school.

What a difference.

Some people have expressed interest in what these machines are like, so this is a brief example. Charlie was grumpy so we used the machine to have us tell him what he wants.

I'm Not Saying She LIKED Christmas

But she was pretty keen.

That bear was made for her by her big brother, my oldest boy. He stood in line at Build a Bear lovingly picking out every detail of it, and when they asked him what he wanted it to say when squeezed, he chose the "I Love You" button, got choked up and cried and said "Because I love her so much."

He has the biggest heart in the world. And I am so glad she has him.

I'm Not Saying She LIKED Christmas

But she was pretty keen.

That bear was made for her by her big brother, my oldest boy. He stood in line at Build a Bear lovingly picking out every detail of it, and when they asked him what he wanted it to say when squeezed, he chose the "I Love You" button, got choked up and cried and said "Because I love her so much."

He has the biggest heart in the world. And I am so glad she has him.

More Wisdom From Keith

So 2011 isn't starting out all that keen really, thus I thought I'd turn back to Keith for guidance and help as I sort my way through the chaos that is my life.

The day started out simply enough, we were going out to brunch on New Years Day. We were going to one of our favorite local spots where the food is delicious.

It was pouring rain, so I grabbed the boys and the husband snatched the baby carrier and we dashed inside.

"Table for six please and we need a high chair."

Now, that SEEMS simple enough, doesn't it? A VERY simple request. A table to accomodate six humans. Also, you are looking at us with your eyes, so you can see, that indeed we are SIX humans.

The hostess comes to fetch up and says "due to health code rules we can't turn the high chair upside down."

Ummmm, what?

She says it again - and we realize she means to put the car carrier in it (some people do this for some reason). We say "We don't want to do that. We just need a high chair."

The someone else says "You can just slide the car seat in a booth."

Again, WE DON'T WANT to do that. WE WANT A TABLE and WE WANT A HIGH CHAIR.

We get to the table and then she says "We can't put the car seat on top of the high chair" and I SWEAR I nearly exploded.

What I did NOT say was "DID I EVEN ASK YOU TO PUT THE CAR SEAT ON TOP OF THE HIGH CHAIR???"

We just said We don't WANT to we JUST WANT A HIGH CHAIR.

She's 8 months old for God's sake. She sits up. She wants to EAT BREAKFAST.

This is her seated at STEAK N SHAKE where they did NOT give us crap about a high chair.
And you know by now we've got every waiter and bus boy in the place looking at us, suddenly we're THOSE people.

Our waitress comes over and apologizes and tells us the hostess was just confused but really, the tone was set and the rest of the day pretty much went to hell.

We tried to go to the Dali exhibit at the High Museum of Art but of course it was closed. The Museum that doesn't close was closed.

We went to IKEA and the twins acted like lunatics in the restaurant and basically it was a huge disaster.

But as I reflect on the day and try to pick out a nugget of something positive to take away, I think back on the three old trolls sitting behind us at breakfast who weren't enjoying my four children whatsoever. They were busily recounting all of their medical maladies for all of breakfast (which in my opinion was FAR more offensive than my kids) and relishing one another's suffering.

But what caught my attention was "And you'll be THRILLED to know I FINALLY got my humidifier! I woke up two days ago with a nose bleed, and I HATE to wake up with stuff gushing out of my nose."...

and I hearken back to Keith who reminds us that we are ALL the same on the inside. Universally all humans are made of the same stuff.

And none of us like to wake up with stuff gushing out of our nose.

More Wisdom From Keith

So 2011 isn't starting out all that keen really, thus I thought I'd turn back to Keith for guidance and help as I sort my way through the chaos that is my life.

The day started out simply enough, we were going out to brunch on New Years Day. We were going to one of our favorite local spots where the food is delicious.

It was pouring rain, so I grabbed the boys and the husband snatched the baby carrier and we dashed inside.

"Table for six please and we need a high chair."

Now, that SEEMS simple enough, doesn't it? A VERY simple request. A table to accomodate six humans. Also, you are looking at us with your eyes, so you can see, that indeed we are SIX humans.

The hostess comes to fetch up and says "due to health code rules we can't turn the high chair upside down."

Ummmm, what?

She says it again - and we realize she means to put the car carrier in it (some people do this for some reason). We say "We don't want to do that. We just need a high chair."

The someone else says "You can just slide the car seat in a booth."

Again, WE DON'T WANT to do that. WE WANT A TABLE and WE WANT A HIGH CHAIR.

We get to the table and then she says "We can't put the car seat on top of the high chair" and I SWEAR I nearly exploded.

What I did NOT say was "DID I EVEN ASK YOU TO PUT THE CAR SEAT ON TOP OF THE HIGH CHAIR???"

We just said We don't WANT to we JUST WANT A HIGH CHAIR.

She's 8 months old for God's sake. She sits up. She wants to EAT BREAKFAST.

This is her seated at STEAK N SHAKE where they did NOT give us crap about a high chair.
And you know by now we've got every waiter and bus boy in the place looking at us, suddenly we're THOSE people.

Our waitress comes over and apologizes and tells us the hostess was just confused but really, the tone was set and the rest of the day pretty much went to hell.

We tried to go to the Dali exhibit at the High Museum of Art but of course it was closed. The Museum that doesn't close was closed.

We went to IKEA and the twins acted like lunatics in the restaurant and basically it was a huge disaster.

But as I reflect on the day and try to pick out a nugget of something positive to take away, I think back on the three old trolls sitting behind us at breakfast who weren't enjoying my four children whatsoever. They were busily recounting all of their medical maladies for all of breakfast (which in my opinion was FAR more offensive than my kids) and relishing one another's suffering.

But what caught my attention was "And you'll be THRILLED to know I FINALLY got my humidifier! I woke up two days ago with a nose bleed, and I HATE to wake up with stuff gushing out of my nose."...

and I hearken back to Keith who reminds us that we are ALL the same on the inside. Universally all humans are made of the same stuff.

And none of us like to wake up with stuff gushing out of our nose.