He Had A Great Day...

What does that mean for a typical child? It means the stars were aligned. They hit the home run, they caught the touchdown pass, they made straight As, they got the big part in the play or they made the honor roll.

It would be the icing on the cake. The topping of a day that already held promise.

For an A-typical child, the day starts out kicking and grabbing at the parent trying to gently pursuade them out of bed at o-dark-hundred. Protests ring out as he is lead into the bedroom to get dressed -

where he promptly bites my breast.

Hard.

Breaking the skin. Through my clothes.

After that it's a struggle to get clothes on him and then we go downstairs where he proceeds to scream and cry and carry on ridiculously about every single thing that occurs until the bus arrives.

He grabs my arms and pinches, he tries to bite his brother, he screams when the Wiggles go off the air.

And when he comes home, his notebook says "He was so happy all day. He had a great day. He followed two part instructions perfectly."

We jokingly call him a shark because he eats everything. I now have a bite radius for the marine biologists to measure, should they arrive.

He followed two part instructions perfectly.

If only one of those had been "Don't bite other people."

Having a special child is unbelievably hard.

Having two, is some days, unbelievable.

He Had A Great Day...

What does that mean for a typical child? It means the stars were aligned. They hit the home run, they caught the touchdown pass, they made straight As, they got the big part in the play or they made the honor roll.

It would be the icing on the cake. The topping of a day that already held promise.

For an A-typical child, the day starts out kicking and grabbing at the parent trying to gently pursuade them out of bed at o-dark-hundred. Protests ring out as he is lead into the bedroom to get dressed -

where he promptly bites my breast.

Hard.

Breaking the skin. Through my clothes.

After that it's a struggle to get clothes on him and then we go downstairs where he proceeds to scream and cry and carry on ridiculously about every single thing that occurs until the bus arrives.

He grabs my arms and pinches, he tries to bite his brother, he screams when the Wiggles go off the air.

And when he comes home, his notebook says "He was so happy all day. He had a great day. He followed two part instructions perfectly."

We jokingly call him a shark because he eats everything. I now have a bite radius for the marine biologists to measure, should they arrive.

He followed two part instructions perfectly.

If only one of those had been "Don't bite other people."

Having a special child is unbelievably hard.

Having two, is some days, unbelievable.

5 Months Old Today

And more amazing every day. Yes, she is always this happy.

5 Months Old Today

And more amazing every day. Yes, she is always this happy.

C Is For Cookie

What do you need to bake cookies.

First you need a container of 100 cookie cutters.

Then, you need a couple of boys to help.

And then after you roll out the dough and cut out the shapes, you can put them in the oven.

There is a secret about these cookies. These are the best cookies in the history of the world. They are thick and huge and wonderful. And I slather them with butter cream icing.

These are Marian Davis's sour cream cookies. Marian Davis was my grandma's neighbor. She lived two doors down. And her sour cream cookies were not a trifle. She didn't just make them randomly. No. It was for special occasions. Easter. Halloween. And you had to be on the A List. Random neighborhood kids DID NOT GET SOUR CREAM COOKIES. No, just her granddaughters friends.

I was on the A list.

I usually only made them at Christmas. But we had a batch left in the freezer so we took it for a spin. Surprisingly, it was fine.

I once tried to ship these cookies to The Queen of Spain after she had surgery. But it was a tragic mess by the time they arrived. I learned that no matter what Martha Stewart says, soft iced cookies DO NOT SHIP WELL. Erin received an iced blob in the mail.

This is my secret cookie recipe. But, lately I consider sharing it. Because it seems wrong to horde the best cookies in the world when everyone should have them. I will ponder this further. And decide later.

Until then.

I had the best cookies in the world.

And you didn't.

C Is For Cookie

What do you need to bake cookies.

First you need a container of 100 cookie cutters.

Then, you need a couple of boys to help.

And then after you roll out the dough and cut out the shapes, you can put them in the oven.

There is a secret about these cookies. These are the best cookies in the history of the world. They are thick and huge and wonderful. And I slather them with butter cream icing.

These are Marian Davis's sour cream cookies. Marian Davis was my grandma's neighbor. She lived two doors down. And her sour cream cookies were not a trifle. She didn't just make them randomly. No. It was for special occasions. Easter. Halloween. And you had to be on the A List. Random neighborhood kids DID NOT GET SOUR CREAM COOKIES. No, just her granddaughters friends.

I was on the A list.

I usually only made them at Christmas. But we had a batch left in the freezer so we took it for a spin. Surprisingly, it was fine.

I once tried to ship these cookies to The Queen of Spain after she had surgery. But it was a tragic mess by the time they arrived. I learned that no matter what Martha Stewart says, soft iced cookies DO NOT SHIP WELL. Erin received an iced blob in the mail.

This is my secret cookie recipe. But, lately I consider sharing it. Because it seems wrong to horde the best cookies in the world when everyone should have them. I will ponder this further. And decide later.

Until then.

I had the best cookies in the world.

And you didn't.

Understanding the Interstates In Atlanta

I decided to provide some help for all of those who are travelling through the Atlanta metro on a non-regular basis. You natives already know all these rules, but I see so many of you passing through the Purgatorial Tunnel in route to and from Florida that I thought I'd offer some help.

First of all, we have big interestates. Big. We like'em big. The reason for this is that there are a lot of us. Here is an example, I live in a surburb that has, officially, 11,000 residents. On the little two lane road in front of my son's school - THIRTEEN THOUSAND CARS PASS BY every day.

So, we need a lot of roadway.

The most important thing you can do when travelling in Atlanta is know what the lane you are in MEANS.

We'll start from the far right - assuming it's an 16 lane high way - 8 lanes on each side. (There is flexibility on this throughout the city, but you can just remove center lanes and the rules on either side still apply!)

• Far Right Lane - THIS LANE IS A TRAP! It will turn into an exit lane without notice. Ok that's not true. There will be a lot of signs telling you that this is going to happen. But you aren't going to SEE these signs because you are WAY busy freaking out that you are IN ATLANTA OMG YOU ARE IN ATLANTA DON'T LET US DIEEEEEE! Get out of the far right lane unless you intend to exit iminently.
• Next to the Far Right Lane - This is a good lane for you out of out of towners. It's a bit slow and does have a lot of back and forth traffic of those who DO know what exit they way. On second thought, move left one lane.
• Third from the Far Right - This is probably a better lane. You have got to roll with the crowd though, and that'll mean 10+ mph over the speed limit. However, you can get into this lane pretty safely and just drive.
• Fourth from the Far Right - A lane also for people going about 10 MPH over the speed limit or so. Again, roll with the traffic's speed and you'll survive. Just keep swimming swimming swimming. You'll start to get some people lane jumping in the lane. People looking for that magic window of space that will allow them to jump miles and miles with the touch of their accelerator. Be aware of them. This lane is NOT full on a-hole but you are edging up to it.
• Fourth from the Far Left- You are edging into a-hole-ville now big time. You're driving faster and you have aggressive passing all around you. People will go left and right and back again without a thought. Use your mirrors and THE FORCE. Both of these things will serve you well.
• Third from the Far Left - This lane is driving fast and very very aggressive. Why are you in it? GET OUT. You don't belong here. This is where the natives drive. We don't want you in this lane anyway. You're scared, you're driving too slow and you are too scared to read the traffic warning signs anyway. Move over two lanes NOW.
• Second from the Far Left - THIS IS FULL ON MAD MAX. No one will care if they hit you. Motocyclists will not care if they hit you. Immediately exit this lane.
• Far Left Lane is either MAD MAX ON CRACK - and really, do I need to explain that? Or H0V lane. I don't know what H0V stands for, but I know that it's the carpool lane. What that means is that you need two people, and then everyone just drives as fast as hell. We pretend that there aren't speed limits but there are. Also, if you don't drive really fast, we'll drive up on your bumper and GLARE AT YOU and consider what you would taste like deep fried until you move.

So there you have it.

Stay in the center. Go with the traffic. And for god's sake. Quit looking at the map while you drive. You look like a dork.

Understanding the Interstates In Atlanta

I decided to provide some help for all of those who are travelling through the Atlanta metro on a non-regular basis. You natives already know all these rules, but I see so many of you passing through the Purgatorial Tunnel in route to and from Florida that I thought I'd offer some help.

First of all, we have big interestates. Big. We like'em big. The reason for this is that there are a lot of us. Here is an example, I live in a surburb that has, officially, 11,000 residents. On the little two lane road in front of my son's school - THIRTEEN THOUSAND CARS PASS BY every day.

So, we need a lot of roadway.

The most important thing you can do when travelling in Atlanta is know what the lane you are in MEANS.

We'll start from the far right - assuming it's an 16 lane high way - 8 lanes on each side. (There is flexibility on this throughout the city, but you can just remove center lanes and the rules on either side still apply!)

• Far Right Lane - THIS LANE IS A TRAP! It will turn into an exit lane without notice. Ok that's not true. There will be a lot of signs telling you that this is going to happen. But you aren't going to SEE these signs because you are WAY busy freaking out that you are IN ATLANTA OMG YOU ARE IN ATLANTA DON'T LET US DIEEEEEE! Get out of the far right lane unless you intend to exit iminently.
• Next to the Far Right Lane - This is a good lane for you out of out of towners. It's a bit slow and does have a lot of back and forth traffic of those who DO know what exit they way. On second thought, move left one lane.
• Third from the Far Right - This is probably a better lane. You have got to roll with the crowd though, and that'll mean 10+ mph over the speed limit. However, you can get into this lane pretty safely and just drive.
• Fourth from the Far Right - A lane also for people going about 10 MPH over the speed limit or so. Again, roll with the traffic's speed and you'll survive. Just keep swimming swimming swimming. You'll start to get some people lane jumping in the lane. People looking for that magic window of space that will allow them to jump miles and miles with the touch of their accelerator. Be aware of them. This lane is NOT full on a-hole but you are edging up to it.
• Fourth from the Far Left- You are edging into a-hole-ville now big time. You're driving faster and you have aggressive passing all around you. People will go left and right and back again without a thought. Use your mirrors and THE FORCE. Both of these things will serve you well.
• Third from the Far Left - This lane is driving fast and very very aggressive. Why are you in it? GET OUT. You don't belong here. This is where the natives drive. We don't want you in this lane anyway. You're scared, you're driving too slow and you are too scared to read the traffic warning signs anyway. Move over two lanes NOW.
• Second from the Far Left - THIS IS FULL ON MAD MAX. No one will care if they hit you. Motocyclists will not care if they hit you. Immediately exit this lane.
• Far Left Lane is either MAD MAX ON CRACK - and really, do I need to explain that? Or H0V lane. I don't know what H0V stands for, but I know that it's the carpool lane. What that means is that you need two people, and then everyone just drives as fast as hell. We pretend that there aren't speed limits but there are. Also, if you don't drive really fast, we'll drive up on your bumper and GLARE AT YOU and consider what you would taste like deep fried until you move.

So there you have it.

Stay in the center. Go with the traffic. And for god's sake. Quit looking at the map while you drive. You look like a dork.

I Wanna Rock With You

I Wanna Rock With You

A Short PSA About Seatbelts

On the mornings that I'm being a lazy slag and blogging or whatnot before I go off to work, I have the option of NOT putting the oldest boy on the bus. I can actually slag off for almost an HOUR and then drive him to school with the rest of the soccer moms.

I elect to do this way more than I should.

But for the past three years, I've noticed something that really really really bothers me every morning.

My kid is in the backseat, in his booster seat, with a seatbelt on.

Your kid?

Why is your kid sitting in the front seat NOT wearing a seatbelt jumping all over the seat?

It's not just Mom's either. I see Dads, Grandma's etc......I'd say more than 50% of the car-rider line has kids not in ANY type of restraint. Plus they are in the front seat.

It'd be different if the kids had started out in the right place but once they got into line popped into the front for goodbyes and kisses as we all pull up at 1 mph through the line.

No, I'm FOLLOWING YOU DOWN THE ROAD......seeing your not buckled in kids bouncing all over your car.

Now, I know for a FACT that your Yuppie self would strap these kids in any other time of day. I've seen you go to the grocery and the mall and out for a Saturday drive. YOU STRAP YOUR KIDS IN.

Why on EARTH do you think that going to school is some magical safe zone and it's ok not to strap them in safely where they go? DO YOU EVEN LISTEN to the Atlanta radio traffic reports every morning? Because every OTHER thing is "crash here, crash there...."

Love them enough to buckle them up. Be inconvenienced. Let them be inconvenienced.

I have to ask "I'm sorry WHAT did you say about the Dalek vs. Destroyer Droid force fields?" to the little voice in the back seat when he doesn't speak loudly enough. I could let him sit up front and not have to repeat what is surely one of the more tedious conversations of my day.

But I don't.

Because I love him. Love yours. Buckle them up.

A Short PSA About Seatbelts

On the mornings that I'm being a lazy slag and blogging or whatnot before I go off to work, I have the option of NOT putting the oldest boy on the bus. I can actually slag off for almost an HOUR and then drive him to school with the rest of the soccer moms.

I elect to do this way more than I should.

But for the past three years, I've noticed something that really really really bothers me every morning.

My kid is in the backseat, in his booster seat, with a seatbelt on.

Your kid?

Why is your kid sitting in the front seat NOT wearing a seatbelt jumping all over the seat?

It's not just Mom's either. I see Dads, Grandma's etc......I'd say more than 50% of the car-rider line has kids not in ANY type of restraint. Plus they are in the front seat.

It'd be different if the kids had started out in the right place but once they got into line popped into the front for goodbyes and kisses as we all pull up at 1 mph through the line.

No, I'm FOLLOWING YOU DOWN THE ROAD......seeing your not buckled in kids bouncing all over your car.

Now, I know for a FACT that your Yuppie self would strap these kids in any other time of day. I've seen you go to the grocery and the mall and out for a Saturday drive. YOU STRAP YOUR KIDS IN.

Why on EARTH do you think that going to school is some magical safe zone and it's ok not to strap them in safely where they go? DO YOU EVEN LISTEN to the Atlanta radio traffic reports every morning? Because every OTHER thing is "crash here, crash there...."

Love them enough to buckle them up. Be inconvenienced. Let them be inconvenienced.

I have to ask "I'm sorry WHAT did you say about the Dalek vs. Destroyer Droid force fields?" to the little voice in the back seat when he doesn't speak loudly enough. I could let him sit up front and not have to repeat what is surely one of the more tedious conversations of my day.

But I don't.

Because I love him. Love yours. Buckle them up.