A Mommy Blog About Raising Men, Not Boys.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

The Difference Between Men and Women

My husband has long told me that the major difference between men and women, in all aspects of life is sex. We're just different. And it influences everything we do. Men are programmed to run around dumping seed every place that they can. And we women are programmed to weed out the scrubs, to look for the best possible reproductive partner.
In short, we are in charge of natural selection based on the decisions we make. We can weed out that third eye gene, simply by refusing to reproduce with you.

This conversation put me in mind of a conversation that was had around the lunch table many years ago. There was this fellow, who was amiable and well liked by the small legion of ladies who lunched with him every day. He'd tell us tales of his dates, and we'd lament that he didn't have a nice girl to settle down with, the RIGHT girl. Various of the lunch compatriots set him up from time to time, but mostly to no avail. He hadn't met the right girl.

But the point of this story is not how we finally found him the right girl.

The point of this story is that despite sitting at lunch with him for years, we didn't really understand him as a man.

It was illustrated best, by this story he told one day about a date he had.

He goes out on this date with this girl he'd been trying to get to go out with him for weeks. She's super hot and he REALLY wanted to date her. Finally she agreed and he takes her out to dinner, and little dancing. Really rolled out the carpet - put his best foot forward. Afterward they go back to her place and romance leads to making out, and it starts to get hot and heavy on the couch.
She says to him "Slide under that glass coffee table, I want to show you something." So he obliges, and she strips. (The girls at the lunch table are slightly horrified yet interested in this story by this point.)
She does a little dance, and little naked wiggle on top of the glass. Then, she straddles it and takes a DUMP on the glass. Over his face.
Yeah, you heard me.

The ladies at the lunch table shriek in horror upon hearing this. Disgust races around the table and a chorus of "OH MY GOD!" and "DISGUSTING" and "THAT IS FOUL" rang out. Followed shortly by "Did you LEAVE???"

To which he answered,"Well yeah, after I fucked her."

And THAT ladies and gentlemen, is the fundamental difference between men and women.

Class dismissed.


Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah said...

Please, please, please tell me that it is someone I met.

Anonymous said...

On behalf of men everywhere, I would like to point out that it was a woman who committed the gross act. A man merely had sex with the freak.

Marketing Gorilla said...

That one made me cry. Thank you.

Anonymous said...

well. after my browsing of the internets, this seems so tame. i feel so disenchanted by all weird things in life. nothing suprises me anymore. try me, im sure i've heard of it or *GASP* accidentally seen it. *shudders*