The Redemption of November 13th

Last November 13th, I thought I was going to give my mother the BEST birthday present (it's her birthday).
I was going to call her, after my trip to the OBGYN, to tell her I was pregnant.
I had an appt for a 8 week ultrasound and despite the massive amount of hormones I was on due to some earlier bleeding - I was looking forward to giving her a call.

Until I had my appointment.


That was when they told me it wasn't a baby, hadn't ever been one - and that it was time to let it go on it's way. Except that it just led to almost two weeks of one of the worst physical nightmares I've ever had.


Instead of calling my mom to tell her happy news, I called her and cried. And she cried too and it was a fairly miserable present to give her.


So this year, I was scheduled for a visit to the high risk OB - on November 13.


I got a little paranoid right before it - as you might've noticed from an earlier post. I just kept thinking,"This is too normal. This is TOO ok. Something is wrong."


When they started the ultrsound.....I held my breath.


Until she moved.

She is beautiful. And by the little glimpse she gave us of the goodies - she is in fact a she. We'll super double check that in 30 days or so. If she is, in fact, a she - she will be Julia Suzanne. Named after the Beatles Song Julia - and my mother's best friend Susan who is far more family to me than most of the people I'm related to.

Not familiar with the song? Well you should be. I'm going to be singing it a lot from now on.

The Redemption of November 13th

Last November 13th, I thought I was going to give my mother the BEST birthday present (it's her birthday).
I was going to call her, after my trip to the OBGYN, to tell her I was pregnant.
I had an appt for a 8 week ultrasound and despite the massive amount of hormones I was on due to some earlier bleeding - I was looking forward to giving her a call.

Until I had my appointment.


That was when they told me it wasn't a baby, hadn't ever been one - and that it was time to let it go on it's way. Except that it just led to almost two weeks of one of the worst physical nightmares I've ever had.


Instead of calling my mom to tell her happy news, I called her and cried. And she cried too and it was a fairly miserable present to give her.


So this year, I was scheduled for a visit to the high risk OB - on November 13.


I got a little paranoid right before it - as you might've noticed from an earlier post. I just kept thinking,"This is too normal. This is TOO ok. Something is wrong."


When they started the ultrsound.....I held my breath.


Until she moved.

She is beautiful. And by the little glimpse she gave us of the goodies - she is in fact a she. We'll super double check that in 30 days or so. If she is, in fact, a she - she will be Julia Suzanne. Named after the Beatles Song Julia - and my mother's best friend Susan who is far more family to me than most of the people I'm related to.

Not familiar with the song? Well you should be. I'm going to be singing it a lot from now on.

Am I Still Pregnant?

I think it's the transition from being irretrievably sick, cramping, in danger of miscarriage to totally smooth sailing that's got me flummoxed.


I keep forgetting I'm pregnant.


Now, don't get me wrong. My already gigantic G size cup boobs are even bigger and my round ligaments are stretching and hurting.....I've got the pregnant aches and pains.


I can feel the baby moving when it suits her (still saying HER)......but like.......

I guess all that constant vomitting was validating the pregnancy to me somehow. And now it's stopped.

I put a rational mind to it earlier, and realized that the last two pair of slacks I can WEAR used to be so BIG on me my husband would say they looked like CLOWN pants, and now they fit. And suddenly - I swear JUST tonight - my jeans are too tight.

I know part of it is anxiety because of the past two miscarriages and I can digest that ok. I can look at it objectively and say "You're looking for something to be wrong." But in fact.....if I'm sitting still like I am now.....

I don't feel pregnant.

Now of course, to make me a liar the little 16 week old human just flooped around but you get what I mean. If I took my bra off - I'd feel it. I'd be wishing I had a midget to walk in front of me to hold up my boobs. A strong midget, might I add.

But there are these weird moments, when I forget - until some ache or pain brings me back to it.

Maybe I felt this way before, but I sure don't remember it. Maybe I'm just worried or nervous because of all this ADVANCED MATERNAL AGE talk.

I go tomorrow for my next visit to the HIGH RISK OB where they are again going to rave about my ADVANCED MATERNAL AGE and then we are going to have one long drawn out ultrasound while they hunt for neural tube defects. Personally I am against these, and have decided we won't have any.

What I am looking for is the wiener. Or lack thereof, more specifically.


This, according to baby center is what my tiny human looks like.



My ass looks really good, don't you think?
I can wait to see her or him tomorrow. And yeah, I'll admit it. I'll feel a twinge of sad if it's a him. But it'll pass - and all I will be is excited about another beautiful boy in my life. All I want is healthy. Healthy will do.

Am I Still Pregnant?

I think it's the transition from being irretrievably sick, cramping, in danger of miscarriage to totally smooth sailing that's got me flummoxed.


I keep forgetting I'm pregnant.


Now, don't get me wrong. My already gigantic G size cup boobs are even bigger and my round ligaments are stretching and hurting.....I've got the pregnant aches and pains.


I can feel the baby moving when it suits her (still saying HER)......but like.......

I guess all that constant vomitting was validating the pregnancy to me somehow. And now it's stopped.

I put a rational mind to it earlier, and realized that the last two pair of slacks I can WEAR used to be so BIG on me my husband would say they looked like CLOWN pants, and now they fit. And suddenly - I swear JUST tonight - my jeans are too tight.

I know part of it is anxiety because of the past two miscarriages and I can digest that ok. I can look at it objectively and say "You're looking for something to be wrong." But in fact.....if I'm sitting still like I am now.....

I don't feel pregnant.

Now of course, to make me a liar the little 16 week old human just flooped around but you get what I mean. If I took my bra off - I'd feel it. I'd be wishing I had a midget to walk in front of me to hold up my boobs. A strong midget, might I add.

But there are these weird moments, when I forget - until some ache or pain brings me back to it.

Maybe I felt this way before, but I sure don't remember it. Maybe I'm just worried or nervous because of all this ADVANCED MATERNAL AGE talk.

I go tomorrow for my next visit to the HIGH RISK OB where they are again going to rave about my ADVANCED MATERNAL AGE and then we are going to have one long drawn out ultrasound while they hunt for neural tube defects. Personally I am against these, and have decided we won't have any.

What I am looking for is the wiener. Or lack thereof, more specifically.


This, according to baby center is what my tiny human looks like.



My ass looks really good, don't you think?
I can wait to see her or him tomorrow. And yeah, I'll admit it. I'll feel a twinge of sad if it's a him. But it'll pass - and all I will be is excited about another beautiful boy in my life. All I want is healthy. Healthy will do.

This Video Wrecked Me

Apparently people with autism are somewhat offended - however, as a parent of austistic boys - I understand the words - written by the parents of autistic children.
It is a nightmare.

This Video Wrecked Me

Apparently people with autism are somewhat offended - however, as a parent of austistic boys - I understand the words - written by the parents of autistic children.
It is a nightmare.

Happy Birthday to My Hunny

The true measure of a man, I think, is what sort of a Father he is. Does he let you help cook when you are little, so that you feel included?

Does he take you to places that are wonderful and magical - when you are about 6?

My children are so lucky. Their father wants them to have the happiest childhood possible, and on a daily basis tries to fill their hours with memories to carry through out their lives. He isn't a father who's absentee all week and then gives them tacit attention on the weekends. He's 100% plugged in all the time.

And I'm lucky, because I chose a man who isn't afraid to make being a Dad a real job. Because of him, we have two autistic twins that we can take everywhere - which never ceases to amaze educators and doctors. They know how to act, and they are well loved.

We have a seven year old who is extraordinary and kind beyond reason some days. Because of the words and lessons he heard from his father every day.

Being a parent isn't easy. Being a parent of special needs children is downright torturous some days. His heart, and his unwillingness to ever give up make him one of the greatest heroes I've ever met.

Today is his birthday. He's 41 and I only wish I had met him sooner - because I am jealous of all the days that came before we met. Since I cannot have those days, my only wish will have to be this - if he lives to be one hundred, I hope I live be be one hundred minus one day.

So that I never have to live one day without him.

I love you Hunny.

Happy Birthday to My Hunny

The true measure of a man, I think, is what sort of a Father he is. Does he let you help cook when you are little, so that you feel included?

Does he take you to places that are wonderful and magical - when you are about 6?

My children are so lucky. Their father wants them to have the happiest childhood possible, and on a daily basis tries to fill their hours with memories to carry through out their lives. He isn't a father who's absentee all week and then gives them tacit attention on the weekends. He's 100% plugged in all the time.

And I'm lucky, because I chose a man who isn't afraid to make being a Dad a real job. Because of him, we have two autistic twins that we can take everywhere - which never ceases to amaze educators and doctors. They know how to act, and they are well loved.

We have a seven year old who is extraordinary and kind beyond reason some days. Because of the words and lessons he heard from his father every day.

Being a parent isn't easy. Being a parent of special needs children is downright torturous some days. His heart, and his unwillingness to ever give up make him one of the greatest heroes I've ever met.

Today is his birthday. He's 41 and I only wish I had met him sooner - because I am jealous of all the days that came before we met. Since I cannot have those days, my only wish will have to be this - if he lives to be one hundred, I hope I live be be one hundred minus one day.

So that I never have to live one day without him.

I love you Hunny.

Auf Wiedersehen Black Trousers

And so it begins.
I was getting dressed innocently enough this morning. Underwear, bra, knee highs, t-shirt and then I pull on my pants.
Puuuuuuuuuuuuulllllllllllllllll.
OMG.
My pants don't fit.
Now it's not like this event is COMPLETELY unexpected. I know the baby grows and I'll have to get maternity pants but it's like - OVERNIGHT my pants don't fit.
What is she DOING in there?
Luckily I have a couple of pair of pleated pants that are pretty loose in regular, non-preggo times and I slipped a pair of those on before running out the door.
But I'm floored - I have another pair just like the ones I put on this morning and I know they fit like three days ago.
The big belly cometh.
I can hardly wait.

Auf Wiedersehen Black Trousers

And so it begins.
I was getting dressed innocently enough this morning. Underwear, bra, knee highs, t-shirt and then I pull on my pants.
Puuuuuuuuuuuuulllllllllllllllll.
OMG.
My pants don't fit.
Now it's not like this event is COMPLETELY unexpected. I know the baby grows and I'll have to get maternity pants but it's like - OVERNIGHT my pants don't fit.
What is she DOING in there?
Luckily I have a couple of pair of pleated pants that are pretty loose in regular, non-preggo times and I slipped a pair of those on before running out the door.
But I'm floored - I have another pair just like the ones I put on this morning and I know they fit like three days ago.
The big belly cometh.
I can hardly wait.