Contacts In My Book And In My Eyes

I took this photo only so that I could text it to my friend with the exclamation THE NEW PHONE BOOKS ARE HERE THE NEW PHONE BOOKS ARE HERE, and then he forgot that part of The Jerk and my joke was lost.

Thankfully I could post it everywhere else online AND OTHER PEOPLE GOT IT.

Anyway, I love that pic. But back to today's topic.

I have been having trouble with distance and close up the past few months. It's gotten worse recently and since it'd been a solid two years since I had a new set of lenses I decided I would get new ones. I asked during my exam if I could try contacts. I haven't worn them since God was a boy, but I remember thinking I was cute in them when I was 20 something. They do apparently make some that have different scrips in the lenses but the eye doctor really didn't think they were "IT" for me. She suggested I do MONOVISION.

I would best describe MONOVISION as being able to SEE NOT SEE. Monovision means one eye has one scrip for far (my dominant eye) and one eye has a scrip for close vision.  It's hard to describe how disturbing it is. It was hard to get used to progressive lenses, and this feels harder. I can tell you that, I can FEEL which eye is doing the seeing and that is disconcerting at best. I'd like my eyes to be like my ears, just doing their job and me not really knowing they were there.

Putting makeup on is a challenge, oh sweet lord it's a challenge. Up close OMG CAN'T SEE. Far away - TOO FAR HOW CAN I GET MY EYELINER ON? I did a back and forth dance somewhat like a slow, ungainly Charleston from the mirror with a soft brown eyeliner trying to find the sweet spot in my vision that never did quite happen.

I realized that I now actually had to do my eyeshadow vs just slap some shit on that would be a weird distorted mess under my big old frames and lenses, and in my attempt to make a smokey eye, I flung eyeshadow into my eye (the contact LOVED that for sure) at which point my eyeliner started running off down my cheek making a brown smear. I tried to wipe it off and it seemed to make a thick paste beside my eye - thanks Ulta I love your powder who KNEW it made paste too? I decided at that point that the only solution was MORE MAKE UP and started tabbing on concealer over this spot of doom and eventually concealed plus powdered it out of existence.

My intense makeup preparation was really just busy work because I was nervous about my 11 am appointment with my dentist today. I've been enjoying the classic symptoms of vicious headaches and temperature sensitivity that herald a root canal. I was actually having pain on the top and bottom, but it turned out that the top tooth had some recession at the gum line and they painted some sealant on it and MAGIC it no longer hurts. But the bottom tooth has a crack and needs a specialist so to a new endodontist I go in the morning.

It hurt so bad this evening that I took a for real pain pill, as ibuprofen won't even touch this lance of fire and misery that is shooting through my jaw.

It's kind of starting to work now. Sorry if I get loopy somewhere along the way here.

My dentist office had another great thing - AMAZING LIGHTING IN THE LADIES ROOM.

I look pretty damn good for 46.

My dedication to Mary Kay nightcream and Egyptian Magic (and every other cream I can get my hands on) are paying off. And good DNA. Let's don't forget the value of good DNA.

I'm in so much pain that honestly, I am looking FORWARD to the root canal tomorrow.

One of my best friends told me today that I look like Isabelli Rossellini. Seriously, I love her forever now.

Ok, and my drugs are kicking in so I'm going to go kill things in a video game and I will share my exciting root canal tomorrow ! I know you're excited!
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