A Mommy Blog About Raising Men, Not Boys.

Friday, August 03, 2007

Deb's Wisdom

I went to make coffee this morning and found that the gorgeous little Delf coffee canister that I picked up in Helen Ga was almost out of coffee.
So I grumble, reach into the cabinet and grab the big bucket o'coffee we keep up there. Inside was a little glass scoop we keep in there to fill up the counter canister.
In fact it is not a scoop. It is an over sized shot glass. I acquired it probably 15 years ago. It goes with set of 4 I own ( or is it six?) that I added to my own personal glass collection thanks to Deb, the wife of my very good friend.
We were out on the town, Mrs Repressed, TimmyT and his wife Deb - and I think some of the rest of our regular crew was out with us as well. The girls were doing shots, typical girl stuff, sex on the beach, buttery nipples etc., while the boys were sticking with their Newcastle. At some point I commented about these big shot glasses. To which Deb says "You like them? Here, I've got my big purse." and started sticking them in her bag.
It makes me smile every time I see one. I have a candle sitting in one before me here at the PC.
Deb was like that. I haven't SEEN her since 1999 when I moved away from Indy, but she was a no-shit girl that I always thought had it right. When we ran in the same social circle, she and her husband and my friends existed in a "we don't make as much money as you" dynamic. As in, they were about 12 years older than us - and were established professionally while me and mine were still trying to make it. I always loved her because she never treated us as though we were lesser, as though she realized that we were TOTALLY not having meat at home that week because of this or that social activity we were doing, yet didn't mention it.
She treated us like we were equal - when socioeconomically we SO were not.
And she once said to me the smartest thing I've ever heard a woman say. One night a mutual friend threw a party, and it was a big blowout bash. Two weeks later we saw Deb at our house, at a much smaller affair - and we said "hey we didn't see you at Xs house. Where were you?"
To which she said, "I didn't want to go, and I decided that once I turned 40 I wasn't doing anything I didn't want to do ever again." And we were sort of stunned. What? Not doing what the herd does ? WHAT? WAIT A MINUTE........
At the age of 25, that hadn't actually occurred to me.
I'm not 40 yet. But these shot glasses and those words remind me of Deb a lot. I Know that I'm often not successful at stepping out of the herd. But I've got a couple of years. Maybe when I get there, I'll have the guts to be like Deb.
If you are lucky, I'll bring my big purse.


Anonymous said...

You'll have two 5 year olds, 1 seven year old, maybe a new little one or three and one immature husband, if you don't kill him first. You'll be doing lots of shit you don't want to do. Sorry, Baby - maybe when you're 64.