A Mommy Blog About Raising Men, Not Boys.

Saturday, March 21, 2015

One Year Ago Today

I have this app on my phone that I love called TIMEHOP where every day it shows you what you posted on Facebook exactly one year ago, two years ago, three years ago etc. It's fascinating. It gives me a look back at amazing days, at terrible days, it cements moments into my memory so I love it. Today I opened it to this.
"I am having some chest pains. Might have had some stress this week."
Next was this.
I remember that EKG tape really well. I remember the look on my doctor's face. I remember the look on the face of the triage nurse at the hospital as I handed it to her. It was that look  medical people get when then they are concerned as shit and are being calm for your benefit.

I remember thinking wow, this must be really bad, and then realizing that it was in fact really bad as I signed all the release forms for surgery "just in case".

My friend Dave stayed with me all day and we watched questionable reality TV including CHEATERS which is forever burned into my brain as one of the most hilarious shows ever.

It turned out I didn't have a heart attack but a heart defect that had turned itself on full forcing knocking on my ass a bit. It was one of those"I HATE BEING MORTAL" kinds of days. I gained a new OLOGIST in my life, the awesome Dr Romm and I realized everything had to change.

I haven't been as hardcore as I should've, I haven't worked as hard as I should've but I have changed a lot mostly my weight and my attitude.

Losing weight (quite a lot since this day one year ago) has completely changed my life and despite the fact that it's a lot, there is so much to go it's not funny. I can go up and down stairs without my knees screaming. I don't have to plan where I'm going to walk. These two things really are amazing differences when they occur.

Mostly though, I love every day even the shitty ones. Yes, there are shitty ones. I won't let go of people I love. I need them and I only get one life and no one gets away. I need them all. I let more things slide and hug the people I love more. I have a bucket list but it's not "things to do before I die" list it's a "things to do to be even more alive" list.  I want to do the zipline tree top quest near my house. I want to swim with the whale sharks in the big tank at the Georgia Aquarium. I want to run a 5k just once. Maybe something bigger, just once.

I am greedy and I want all of my minutes and all of my days and if you are reading this then I want you in them.

I want to be Bill Murray.

Only cooler.