So Much Valentine's So Much Love

So Valentine's Day has come and gone and we celebrated in our way, with a family day and lots of treats. The girl had her first ever Valentine's Party at school and was pretty much the most excited girl EVER to bring home her box of love notes to show us. Apparently it was a pretty amazing party.

I told my husband to choose the breakfast for our special day. I had originally thought PANCAKES but he really wanted some of my really eggy french toast. Alton Brown says I'm making it wrong but he and I are just gonna have to disagree on this one.

I would've made him anything he wanted, though. On the 13th you see, his mother died.

He's handling it better than I did but we are different people. It doesn't lessen the loss, regardless of how he handles it. But on Valentine's day I would've made him a souffle (well I would've tried)  or any other damn thing he wanted. What he mostly wanted was to sleep for a lot of the day, and I can support that wholeheartedly. I endeavored to make the day fun and keep the kids busy so that it was a day they would remember positively.

In the middle of making our french toast, Julia took one bite of a banana and declared herself full. It was really a perfect banana, and I didn't feel like eating at all and I hated to waste it. Internet to the rescue - I found a recipe for "ONE banana" banana bread and Miles set to work mixing while I finished the french toast.

I don't even like banana bread, but my husband does so I thought maybe this would be something full of love to eat today. Miles did a spectacular job mixing.

Pretty much after I got breakfast done I had to start working on lunch as I wasn't sure about it and it was an experiment. I saw these "pizza roses" all over the internet yesterday and I wanted to make them for fun for Valentine's day. So we cleaned up breakfast (I CLEANED UP) and got to work.

This was another activity for the kids and I to do together, the little people helped with putting on the pepperoni and smearing the sauce. Charlie mostly ate the pepperoni. If I said "hey don't eat the pepperoni we need it" he would reply "OH NO!"

Not really romantic date food but it was super fun kid lunch food. Julia said "We always make fun stuff together. I wonder if everyone does this?" That made me pretty happy.

We ended our night in our family tradition of cards, candy and presents. The girl got a new pony to love and pretty much was the most excited girl on the block.

My hubby got me a beautiful cameo and an IOU for the new waterproof fitbit when it comes out.

It's a weird thing to realize that you're the adults now. Even having a family, when you have that patriarchal/matriarchal presence, somehow you have that someone to defer to. You have someone to ask, someone to lean on. For both my husband and me, now, we are the someone.  We are unquestionably the adults in our own lives and families not just in our own house.

We spent our first Valentine's day as orphans together, surrounded by the family we made, and showered our children with love. We made silly treats, snuggled all six of us in a queen bed in the afternoon while my husband played music on his phone.

Onward, into the rest of our lives. I hope every day is as good as yesterday. It was pretty good.
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So Much Valentine's So Much Love

So Valentine's Day has come and gone and we celebrated in our way, with a family day and lots of treats. The girl had her first ever Valentine's Party at school and was pretty much the most excited girl EVER to bring home her box of love notes to show us. Apparently it was a pretty amazing party.

I told my husband to choose the breakfast for our special day. I had originally thought PANCAKES but he really wanted some of my really eggy french toast. Alton Brown says I'm making it wrong but he and I are just gonna have to disagree on this one.

I would've made him anything he wanted, though. On the 13th you see, his mother died.

He's handling it better than I did but we are different people. It doesn't lessen the loss, regardless of how he handles it. But on Valentine's day I would've made him a souffle (well I would've tried)  or any other damn thing he wanted. What he mostly wanted was to sleep for a lot of the day, and I can support that wholeheartedly. I endeavored to make the day fun and keep the kids busy so that it was a day they would remember positively.

In the middle of making our french toast, Julia took one bite of a banana and declared herself full. It was really a perfect banana, and I didn't feel like eating at all and I hated to waste it. Internet to the rescue - I found a recipe for "ONE banana" banana bread and Miles set to work mixing while I finished the french toast.

I don't even like banana bread, but my husband does so I thought maybe this would be something full of love to eat today. Miles did a spectacular job mixing.

Pretty much after I got breakfast done I had to start working on lunch as I wasn't sure about it and it was an experiment. I saw these "pizza roses" all over the internet yesterday and I wanted to make them for fun for Valentine's day. So we cleaned up breakfast (I CLEANED UP) and got to work.

This was another activity for the kids and I to do together, the little people helped with putting on the pepperoni and smearing the sauce. Charlie mostly ate the pepperoni. If I said "hey don't eat the pepperoni we need it" he would reply "OH NO!"

Not really romantic date food but it was super fun kid lunch food. Julia said "We always make fun stuff together. I wonder if everyone does this?" That made me pretty happy.

We ended our night in our family tradition of cards, candy and presents. The girl got a new pony to love and pretty much was the most excited girl on the block.

My hubby got me a beautiful cameo and an IOU for the new waterproof fitbit when it comes out.

It's a weird thing to realize that you're the adults now. Even having a family, when you have that patriarchal/matriarchal presence, somehow you have that someone to defer to. You have someone to ask, someone to lean on. For both my husband and me, now, we are the someone.  We are unquestionably the adults in our own lives and families not just in our own house.

We spent our first Valentine's day as orphans together, surrounded by the family we made, and showered our children with love. We made silly treats, snuggled all six of us in a queen bed in the afternoon while my husband played music on his phone.

Onward, into the rest of our lives. I hope every day is as good as yesterday. It was pretty good.
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The Valentine's Party

When I was about 8 years old my parents lost all their money. That was the way I understood it. I know it was more complicated than that now. There as matter of my grandmother not being willing to help them out with remodeling bills on our old house that my grandfather (now dead) had said not to worry about. There were too many bills and not enough money. Because of that we had to sell our pretty little house that so much work had gone into and move into what was forever known as THE GREY HOUSE.

The grey house had wooden floors and big double doors into most rooms. It had two fireplaces with beautiful mantles and tilework. It also had no insulation. We learned that the first winter. It was a house we rented from my grandmother. The train ran through our backyard (literally, seen above) and if you wonder why my brother loves the railroad just remember that the rumbling of a freight train was the womb music he grew to. The window panes shook, dishes would shake off the counter and break, when the train went by.

Still, it was a great adventure moving to a new house. I got a new room, and it was even bigger than my old room. I changed schools and I was so excited because I got to go to school with some of the girls I had gone to preschool with. There was a set of twins, Amy and Laurie, I was especially excited about being in school with again. I always thought that they were so pretty and I was entranced by the idea of twins. They were identical twins, and I guess when you are 8 that makes it even more exciting.

It was only after a few months of living there that I realized that things were different for me at this school. There had been a sleepover party, I learned one Monday. I don't even really remember being upset or thinking I should have been invited. But I remember when the girls realized I was listening. Amy said "I'm sorry we didn't invite you. Our Mom says you are poor now and you probably couldn't afford to buy us presents."

The other kids didn't laugh to their credit. In fact they just sort of stared and the subject was changed. I went home and cried and asked my mom if we were poor now. I didn't understand what had changed? We just moved to a new house. Why did that make us poor? I told her what Amy had said, and that Amy and Laurie had a birthday slumber party and they didn't invite me because I was poor. She held me while I cried and then she told me I should go play or listen to records.

Eventually I smelled something like vanilla baking. I went into the kitchen and my mom was cutting a round cake and making a heart. It was kind of like this.

She asked me if I thought it looked like a heart and of course I did so she told me to make some icing and we'd have some cake. While I frosted it she said "I think we should have a Valentine's day party. What do you think?"  

I thought this was the craziest idea I had ever heard, no one ever had a Valentine's party at their house. But mom started looking up different kinds of punch we could make, and talking about treats she could make and before long we were making a party list. She said I could invite as many girls over for this party as I wanted.

She made games, she bought prizes. She set up the stereo so we could play records and decorated my dining room in swaths of pink ribbon and hearts hanging from the ceiling. It looked a little bit like a high school prom, in fact. When the girls came over there were fancy cups from my grandmas for punch, there was heart cake and it was this amazing event that was unlike any party I ever had before or after. I remember there was so much laughter, and everyone was so excited at winning the prizes mom had gotten for the games. She even made little gift bags for party favors to take home.

I had invited every girl in my class, including Amy and Laurie. It never occurred to me until I was driving home today, remembering this amazing party, that my mom threw that party so that the other kids wouldn't think I was poor. She never said anything about it, except that she thought we should have a Valentine's party. At the time I thought it was because she'd figured out how to make a heart cake.

Such is the mind of an 8 year old. 

We didn't have a lot of money. 

But I was never, EVER poor. Not in the way that mattered, anyway.

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The Valentine's Party

When I was about 8 years old my parents lost all their money. That was the way I understood it. I know it was more complicated than that now. There as matter of my grandmother not being willing to help them out with remodeling bills on our old house that my grandfather (now dead) had said not to worry about. There were too many bills and not enough money. Because of that we had to sell our pretty little house that so much work had gone into and move into what was forever known as THE GREY HOUSE.

The grey house had wooden floors and big double doors into most rooms. It had two fireplaces with beautiful mantles and tilework. It also had no insulation. We learned that the first winter. It was a house we rented from my grandmother. The train ran through our backyard (literally, seen above) and if you wonder why my brother loves the railroad just remember that the rumbling of a freight train was the womb music he grew to. The window panes shook, dishes would shake off the counter and break, when the train went by.

Still, it was a great adventure moving to a new house. I got a new room, and it was even bigger than my old room. I changed schools and I was so excited because I got to go to school with some of the girls I had gone to preschool with. There was a set of twins, Amy and Laurie, I was especially excited about being in school with again. I always thought that they were so pretty and I was entranced by the idea of twins. They were identical twins, and I guess when you are 8 that makes it even more exciting.

It was only after a few months of living there that I realized that things were different for me at this school. There had been a sleepover party, I learned one Monday. I don't even really remember being upset or thinking I should have been invited. But I remember when the girls realized I was listening. Amy said "I'm sorry we didn't invite you. Our Mom says you are poor now and you probably couldn't afford to buy us presents."

The other kids didn't laugh to their credit. In fact they just sort of stared and the subject was changed. I went home and cried and asked my mom if we were poor now. I didn't understand what had changed? We just moved to a new house. Why did that make us poor? I told her what Amy had said, and that Amy and Laurie had a birthday slumber party and they didn't invite me because I was poor. She held me while I cried and then she told me I should go play or listen to records.

Eventually I smelled something like vanilla baking. I went into the kitchen and my mom was cutting a round cake and making a heart. It was kind of like this.

She asked me if I thought it looked like a heart and of course I did so she told me to make some icing and we'd have some cake. While I frosted it she said "I think we should have a Valentine's day party. What do you think?"  

I thought this was the craziest idea I had ever heard, no one ever had a Valentine's party at their house. But mom started looking up different kinds of punch we could make, and talking about treats she could make and before long we were making a party list. She said I could invite as many girls over for this party as I wanted.

She made games, she bought prizes. She set up the stereo so we could play records and decorated my dining room in swaths of pink ribbon and hearts hanging from the ceiling. It looked a little bit like a high school prom, in fact. When the girls came over there were fancy cups from my grandmas for punch, there was heart cake and it was this amazing event that was unlike any party I ever had before or after. I remember there was so much laughter, and everyone was so excited at winning the prizes mom had gotten for the games. She even made little gift bags for party favors to take home.

I had invited every girl in my class, including Amy and Laurie. It never occurred to me until I was driving home today, remembering this amazing party, that my mom threw that party so that the other kids wouldn't think I was poor. She never said anything about it, except that she thought we should have a Valentine's party. At the time I thought it was because she'd figured out how to make a heart cake.

Such is the mind of an 8 year old. 

We didn't have a lot of money. 

But I was never, EVER poor. Not in the way that mattered, anyway.

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Oh Good Now We Can Rock

So after my ill considered yoga experiment I've been so sore I can barely lift my arms. I'm blaming yoga however I just realized I also did circuit workout that same day so it's probably a terrible combo of the two. I spent my day not being to lift my arms up to do things like, hang up my coat at work because that hook was just UP SO FAR.
But I came home and decided to do some light working out on the total gym and just stretched a lot. I like to put on Pandora on SHUFFLE because nothing is better than Beethoven followed by Savage Garden followed by Johnny Cash followed by Barry Manilow followed by Opera Trance followed by Ladysmith Black Mambazo.

While doing squats and just closing my eyes and relaxing I realized that flailing around me is a whirling five year old, singing along suddenly to Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree in a super excited way. She was dancing and informs me that dancing is a great way to get healthy.

My shoulder is popping and I pull myself up a few times gently, feeling my stupid flabby arms burn and I wonder how the hell I ever got this unhealthy. I can remember being strong, being able to run, riding my bike everywhere.

Can I get a do-over?

No, I can't.

I'm slightly less sore but more achy now after around a total of 30 minutes of working out and stretching and I'm trying to decide if I have a hernia or what in my abdomen. I guess I have to get it checked out.

I lay on the total gym, feeling like I'm not ever going to enjoy this shit but at least I do it, when suddenly U2 comes on (Pride - In the Name of Love) and Julia starts bouncing madly..."OH GOOD! Now we can ROCK!" she declares.

I'm wrong. I do enjoy this. Just not the THIS I was thinking of.

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Oh Good Now We Can Rock

So after my ill considered yoga experiment I've been so sore I can barely lift my arms. I'm blaming yoga however I just realized I also did circuit workout that same day so it's probably a terrible combo of the two. I spent my day not being to lift my arms up to do things like, hang up my coat at work because that hook was just UP SO FAR.
But I came home and decided to do some light working out on the total gym and just stretched a lot. I like to put on Pandora on SHUFFLE because nothing is better than Beethoven followed by Savage Garden followed by Johnny Cash followed by Barry Manilow followed by Opera Trance followed by Ladysmith Black Mambazo.

While doing squats and just closing my eyes and relaxing I realized that flailing around me is a whirling five year old, singing along suddenly to Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree in a super excited way. She was dancing and informs me that dancing is a great way to get healthy.

My shoulder is popping and I pull myself up a few times gently, feeling my stupid flabby arms burn and I wonder how the hell I ever got this unhealthy. I can remember being strong, being able to run, riding my bike everywhere.

Can I get a do-over?

No, I can't.

I'm slightly less sore but more achy now after around a total of 30 minutes of working out and stretching and I'm trying to decide if I have a hernia or what in my abdomen. I guess I have to get it checked out.

I lay on the total gym, feeling like I'm not ever going to enjoy this shit but at least I do it, when suddenly U2 comes on (Pride - In the Name of Love) and Julia starts bouncing madly..."OH GOOD! Now we can ROCK!" she declares.

I'm wrong. I do enjoy this. Just not the THIS I was thinking of.

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Multitasking and Multipe Tasks - Like A Mom

I have decided I want to try yoga.I don't really know why but I want to. However I'm also pretty paranoid about going someplace and doing something like yoga in front of tons of other people.

I don't even have the clothes for this adventure. I've got ONE pair of shorts that fit and no way I'm wearing those in front of people.So I decided to dip my foot into this pond solo, like with all my other work out stuff, and see what's up. Starbucks suggested YouFit yoga app so I downloaded it because HEY FREE. Yesterday I decided to try it out.

However I also had lots of other things to do. This may be why yoga and I aren't meant to be because who has time to just give away doing ONE thing? I suspect that's an ideal situation for that but even working out at my house I've got 1 to 4 kids in the room talking to me if not my husband also.

I ran Julia's bath and slathered on some depilatory and decided to check out the app.

I sat on my bedroom floor, with my upper lip burning listening to a very nice lady explain the app set up. It really made a lot of sense. TRY each of the poses and then tap the screen and mark them too easy, just right, or too hard. As I gave them a try and tried to ignore the follicle mitosis killing field below my nose, I got kind of sad that oh 75% went into the TOO HARD category. (Or is it meiosis? I forget which is which.) I do want to mention I'm SUPER GOOD at this thing called Corpse pose. Second would be the sitting thing. I can sit. But it sort of hurts.

But I did it. My back hurt like a mofo and my hips were screaming and really most of my body was saying hey that's stupid let's don't do that. My body, however, is a poor steward for what it needs. It tells me I need chocolate shakes on the daily.

After her bath I decided that since Sunday is the Superbowl it means we're going to feast like we're Tudors and I've just gotten all the damn Vegas weight BACK off so there was nothing for it but to hit the total gym. My body was too shaking and achy for aerobics but laying on a slab I could do.

My arms disagreed heartily about this whole working out business and this morning they're reminding me of their rancor. Too bad arms. You're flabby and gross.

Post bath and post workout the girl decided to remind me we were going to paint our nails for the Superbowl. We're legally required to root for Manning around here if we can't root for the Colts or Falcons so Orange it was.

I love painting her tiny toes. She says that proper ladies always paint their toes. This makes me smile because my own mother used to tell me that a lady always has her nails done. I'm trying Mom, I'm trying.

I didn't have any orange so we had to use her polish.

No regrets.

I also am playing this stupid game on my phone and it's a collecting game but I don't know what the hell I'm doing is this good is this bad? I don't know I'm just playing it because other people are playing it and that makes me feel like a lemming but.....kitties!

I cannot tell if I am doing well or poorly.

The end of our day came later than usual and my tiny blonde companion brought a pillow and a blanket onto my lap for family time. Then promptly this happened.

In the silence of Sunday morning I've fed those cats on my phone and am considering which workouts to do today, I would like to try to fit in two to combat that which I am about to consume.

Who knows what I will get done. Maybe none of it.

That's Mom life. I wouldn't trade it for the world, though.
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Multitasking and Multipe Tasks - Like A Mom

I have decided I want to try yoga.I don't really know why but I want to. However I'm also pretty paranoid about going someplace and doing something like yoga in front of tons of other people.

I don't even have the clothes for this adventure. I've got ONE pair of shorts that fit and no way I'm wearing those in front of people.So I decided to dip my foot into this pond solo, like with all my other work out stuff, and see what's up. Starbucks suggested YouFit yoga app so I downloaded it because HEY FREE. Yesterday I decided to try it out.

However I also had lots of other things to do. This may be why yoga and I aren't meant to be because who has time to just give away doing ONE thing? I suspect that's an ideal situation for that but even working out at my house I've got 1 to 4 kids in the room talking to me if not my husband also.

I ran Julia's bath and slathered on some depilatory and decided to check out the app.

I sat on my bedroom floor, with my upper lip burning listening to a very nice lady explain the app set up. It really made a lot of sense. TRY each of the poses and then tap the screen and mark them too easy, just right, or too hard. As I gave them a try and tried to ignore the follicle mitosis killing field below my nose, I got kind of sad that oh 75% went into the TOO HARD category. (Or is it meiosis? I forget which is which.) I do want to mention I'm SUPER GOOD at this thing called Corpse pose. Second would be the sitting thing. I can sit. But it sort of hurts.

But I did it. My back hurt like a mofo and my hips were screaming and really most of my body was saying hey that's stupid let's don't do that. My body, however, is a poor steward for what it needs. It tells me I need chocolate shakes on the daily.

After her bath I decided that since Sunday is the Superbowl it means we're going to feast like we're Tudors and I've just gotten all the damn Vegas weight BACK off so there was nothing for it but to hit the total gym. My body was too shaking and achy for aerobics but laying on a slab I could do.

My arms disagreed heartily about this whole working out business and this morning they're reminding me of their rancor. Too bad arms. You're flabby and gross.

Post bath and post workout the girl decided to remind me we were going to paint our nails for the Superbowl. We're legally required to root for Manning around here if we can't root for the Colts or Falcons so Orange it was.

I love painting her tiny toes. She says that proper ladies always paint their toes. This makes me smile because my own mother used to tell me that a lady always has her nails done. I'm trying Mom, I'm trying.

I didn't have any orange so we had to use her polish.

No regrets.

I also am playing this stupid game on my phone and it's a collecting game but I don't know what the hell I'm doing is this good is this bad? I don't know I'm just playing it because other people are playing it and that makes me feel like a lemming but.....kitties!

I cannot tell if I am doing well or poorly.

The end of our day came later than usual and my tiny blonde companion brought a pillow and a blanket onto my lap for family time. Then promptly this happened.

In the silence of Sunday morning I've fed those cats on my phone and am considering which workouts to do today, I would like to try to fit in two to combat that which I am about to consume.

Who knows what I will get done. Maybe none of it.

That's Mom life. I wouldn't trade it for the world, though.
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The One Where I Have Shingles

It started at about 5:52 am. That's the moment I blinked open, more awake than I should be and thought "Damn, what is that?" A burning, hurting feeling on my back. It felt like I was being bitten/ had been bitten.
It felt bad.
I got out of bed and felt it, a line of bumps above my right kidney. What the hell would make bites like that?

I made it downstairs to find the husband had my coffee ready (he can be awesome like that) and asked him to look. His first response was that it was bites, except upon further inspection it seemed that there weren't any BITE MARKS. No holes, no punctures. Just these raised red blistery rash things, in a line on my back.

We put some hydro-cortisone on it and our day went on. I got to thinking, though, why doesn't it itch? Bites ITCH. Then I got to wondering "What does SHINGLES FEEL LIKE?"

After a doctor visit this afternoon I learned that this is what the very early onset of shingles can be like for some people. Everyone's can be different. Some is agony. Some isn't so bad. I'm glad for the not so bad version. At least on day one I can say that with confidence. It's not so bad. I know people who have described this as unbelievable pain. The horror stories are not making me excited.

Apparently a weakened immune system (thanks pneumonia) coupled with a lot of stress (ahem, work) is the devil's playground for shingles. I had chicken pox when I was seven. I just stirred up the recipe for this disease. Who knew?

But right now the spot hasn't spread and it just sort of aches. I've got an anti-viral on deck which is supposed to suppress my symptoms (but won't cure me - the body cures itself) and a new round of prednisone is happening.

I'm sorry in advance to everyone whose head I rip off in the coming week. I'm very sorry. This drug and I, we're at odds with one another and sadly it's one I need more than I like. It makes me sleep deprived and over emotional. It makes me tense and angry. It makes me question everything and everyone and fight with the people who love me the most (sorry Hunny).

So hold on, we've just boarded the crazy train.

And as for shingles, well damn. I thought this was an old person thing.

Don't google pictures of shingles. This stuff is scary as hell.

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The One Where I Have Shingles

It started at about 5:52 am. That's the moment I blinked open, more awake than I should be and thought "Damn, what is that?" A burning, hurting feeling on my back. It felt like I was being bitten/ had been bitten.
It felt bad.
I got out of bed and felt it, a line of bumps above my right kidney. What the hell would make bites like that?

I made it downstairs to find the husband had my coffee ready (he can be awesome like that) and asked him to look. His first response was that it was bites, except upon further inspection it seemed that there weren't any BITE MARKS. No holes, no punctures. Just these raised red blistery rash things, in a line on my back.

We put some hydro-cortisone on it and our day went on. I got to thinking, though, why doesn't it itch? Bites ITCH. Then I got to wondering "What does SHINGLES FEEL LIKE?"

After a doctor visit this afternoon I learned that this is what the very early onset of shingles can be like for some people. Everyone's can be different. Some is agony. Some isn't so bad. I'm glad for the not so bad version. At least on day one I can say that with confidence. It's not so bad. I know people who have described this as unbelievable pain. The horror stories are not making me excited.

Apparently a weakened immune system (thanks pneumonia) coupled with a lot of stress (ahem, work) is the devil's playground for shingles. I had chicken pox when I was seven. I just stirred up the recipe for this disease. Who knew?

But right now the spot hasn't spread and it just sort of aches. I've got an anti-viral on deck which is supposed to suppress my symptoms (but won't cure me - the body cures itself) and a new round of prednisone is happening.

I'm sorry in advance to everyone whose head I rip off in the coming week. I'm very sorry. This drug and I, we're at odds with one another and sadly it's one I need more than I like. It makes me sleep deprived and over emotional. It makes me tense and angry. It makes me question everything and everyone and fight with the people who love me the most (sorry Hunny).

So hold on, we've just boarded the crazy train.

And as for shingles, well damn. I thought this was an old person thing.

Don't google pictures of shingles. This stuff is scary as hell.

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