I Don't Wanna Go

We're going to an Autism Support group tomorrow night.

I hate this part of it. We need to go. It's so important. But...when my little guys are at home, they're just babies. Babies who are a little OFF but really - they're like these really big 2 year olds.

But the short bus pulls back up in front of the house again on Monday,and tomorrow during the day we go to meet the Angel who teaches Autism Special Education Kindergarten. And the reality gets back to rolling that my babies are not quite right, they are in fact in need of help that we don't know how to give them.

So we're going. I think it will be good but sad to meet other people like us, people who UNDERSTAND what we mean when we talk about our children, about our challenges.

But I don't want to go. Every step, the short bus, the special education, the support group - it makes it all real and I hate that. I hate the reality of their disability and it makes me angry and sad just like it's day 1.

My grandfather had a sister who was blind from scarlet fever she got as a child. Her parents kept her home, cloistered from the world. Safe from harm. I used to think that this was unkind of them to do - there was so much she could've done with her life.

But now I understand.

I understand completely.

I Don't Wanna Go

We're going to an Autism Support group tomorrow night.

I hate this part of it. We need to go. It's so important. But...when my little guys are at home, they're just babies. Babies who are a little OFF but really - they're like these really big 2 year olds.

But the short bus pulls back up in front of the house again on Monday,and tomorrow during the day we go to meet the Angel who teaches Autism Special Education Kindergarten. And the reality gets back to rolling that my babies are not quite right, they are in fact in need of help that we don't know how to give them.

So we're going. I think it will be good but sad to meet other people like us, people who UNDERSTAND what we mean when we talk about our children, about our challenges.

But I don't want to go. Every step, the short bus, the special education, the support group - it makes it all real and I hate that. I hate the reality of their disability and it makes me angry and sad just like it's day 1.

My grandfather had a sister who was blind from scarlet fever she got as a child. Her parents kept her home, cloistered from the world. Safe from harm. I used to think that this was unkind of them to do - there was so much she could've done with her life.

But now I understand.

I understand completely.

If Not Now.......When.....

Eyeliner is both my nemesis and my beloved. It's the Frenemy of my makeup bag.



When I started wearing eyeliner, it was so long ago that you mixed your Mary Kay eyeshadow with water and you used a lighter on the eyeliner to make it melty and go on smoothly.

As a matter of fact - I'm bringing that back so get ready.

But beyond that, I've had what alcoholics call THE MOMENT OF CLARITY regarding eyeliner.

Since I was 16 I have been struggling with, fighting with, sometimes failing sometimes succeeding in getting my eyeliner on in a nice smooth line without tugging on the corner of my eye to pull the skin taught. You eyeliner wearers know what I am talking about. You don't want to get wrinkles! When you get older you'll get wrinkles if you tug on that skin every day!

And then, as I struggled the other morning .......it occurred to me........

I AM OLDER.

What the hell I'm 40 dear GOD can I please have perfect straight eyeliner now until I die?

Yes. YES I CAN.

Note to all my friends. We're older. You can tug on the corner of your eye now to get your liner straight. It's over.

If Not Now.......When.....

Eyeliner is both my nemesis and my beloved. It's the Frenemy of my makeup bag.



When I started wearing eyeliner, it was so long ago that you mixed your Mary Kay eyeshadow with water and you used a lighter on the eyeliner to make it melty and go on smoothly.

As a matter of fact - I'm bringing that back so get ready.

But beyond that, I've had what alcoholics call THE MOMENT OF CLARITY regarding eyeliner.

Since I was 16 I have been struggling with, fighting with, sometimes failing sometimes succeeding in getting my eyeliner on in a nice smooth line without tugging on the corner of my eye to pull the skin taught. You eyeliner wearers know what I am talking about. You don't want to get wrinkles! When you get older you'll get wrinkles if you tug on that skin every day!

And then, as I struggled the other morning .......it occurred to me........

I AM OLDER.

What the hell I'm 40 dear GOD can I please have perfect straight eyeliner now until I die?

Yes. YES I CAN.

Note to all my friends. We're older. You can tug on the corner of your eye now to get your liner straight. It's over.

It Has Been A Year

It has been one year, since despite having the soul kicked out of me at one employer......that I signed papers and made this our home. And the past year has been one of change and growth and so many positive things that I could never list them all here.


We had summer and then quickly fall then winter. Our first winter in our own house, watching the snow pile up out the windows. There were days that it was like magic.

And there have been holidays and birthdays and anniversaries........but you know what have been the best days? The days I stumble out of bed on the weekend to make coffee......quietly.


In our own house.

Or we've taken a couple of balls and gone into the backyard with nothing to do but run, and kick, and play.

I don't even know where to start, explaining the sigh of relief I feel some days, closing that front door - knowing that this is our kingdom......this is our refuge. This land belongs to my family. It's quite a bit of land considering the market these days.

It's a place where for the first time in a long time, I feel settled and grounded.

The nature of the world has become transient, like we're some giant Bedouin tribe without direction. The difference is that the Bedouins have each other. They know where they are going and where they came from. It had begun to seem for a while that we were just moving moving moving.......always moving.

No more.

I'm not saying we're here forever.......but I am saying that I am home. I sleep like the dead, safe in the country air and forest standing guard.

And if it is my fate, to drink cheap wine out of snowman goblets on my deck.........then I say......
Bring it.

It Has Been A Year

It has been one year, since despite having the soul kicked out of me at one employer......that I signed papers and made this our home. And the past year has been one of change and growth and so many positive things that I could never list them all here.


We had summer and then quickly fall then winter. Our first winter in our own house, watching the snow pile up out the windows. There were days that it was like magic.

And there have been holidays and birthdays and anniversaries........but you know what have been the best days? The days I stumble out of bed on the weekend to make coffee......quietly.


In our own house.

Or we've taken a couple of balls and gone into the backyard with nothing to do but run, and kick, and play.

I don't even know where to start, explaining the sigh of relief I feel some days, closing that front door - knowing that this is our kingdom......this is our refuge. This land belongs to my family. It's quite a bit of land considering the market these days.

It's a place where for the first time in a long time, I feel settled and grounded.

The nature of the world has become transient, like we're some giant Bedouin tribe without direction. The difference is that the Bedouins have each other. They know where they are going and where they came from. It had begun to seem for a while that we were just moving moving moving.......always moving.

No more.

I'm not saying we're here forever.......but I am saying that I am home. I sleep like the dead, safe in the country air and forest standing guard.

And if it is my fate, to drink cheap wine out of snowman goblets on my deck.........then I say......
Bring it.

Relationships Haz Changed

Overheard in bathroom of a restaurant near a large outlet mall in North Georgia:

• No, No I am not getting back together with him.
• It's only two weeks till I have his baby, and now he wants to get back together just because I'm at the OUTLET MALL?
• You tell him NO! I will not not go the Nike Store for him.
• No! I told her no, we're not getting back together.
• I am not going to the Nike store for you forget it.

Hmmmmmmmmmmm.

I'd like to toss in some witty end statement but I'm a bit speechless. File it under "Umm, yeah."

Relationships Haz Changed

Overheard in bathroom of a restaurant near a large outlet mall in North Georgia:

• No, No I am not getting back together with him.
• It's only two weeks till I have his baby, and now he wants to get back together just because I'm at the OUTLET MALL?
• You tell him NO! I will not not go the Nike Store for him.
• No! I told her no, we're not getting back together.
• I am not going to the Nike store for you forget it.

Hmmmmmmmmmmm.

I'd like to toss in some witty end statement but I'm a bit speechless. File it under "Umm, yeah."

Local Tourist:Dauset Trails

One of our favorite places since we've moved here is Dauset Trails which is a sanctuary for injured and/or bad tempered animals. We learned about it during a festival we attended right after we moved. They had a little booth and were really the only point of interest AT the festival - so we drove down to check the place out. We've been back several times now.

This time our friend Emma came along with her new boyfriend. What was good because he probably needed inspection. (kidding we really liked him).

As you can see here, we put him to work. Poor guy.


As always there were new animals, including a coyote that looked as though he wanted to eat mah babehs. He was truly fired up. It was nuts. He needed a lady friend or something to relax I swear. No WONDER that one was there.

There are lots of spots to stop and feed the animals, toss feed of various sorts into the water or into their cages. The kids loved that part. Ok we kind of loved it too. Why is it so much fun to feed animals? Some native urge to be a farmer?

It's about an hour and a half from where we live, ish - depending on traffic in the ATL which is suck-ass on a good day. It was an awesome day in the sun with mother nature and some of her creatures.
Even the coyote who wanted to eat mah babehs.

Now, I've had my fill of nature for 09. Bring me indoor events I say! It's HOT HERE!

Local Tourist:Dauset Trails

One of our favorite places since we've moved here is Dauset Trails which is a sanctuary for injured and/or bad tempered animals. We learned about it during a festival we attended right after we moved. They had a little booth and were really the only point of interest AT the festival - so we drove down to check the place out. We've been back several times now.

This time our friend Emma came along with her new boyfriend. What was good because he probably needed inspection. (kidding we really liked him).

As you can see here, we put him to work. Poor guy.


As always there were new animals, including a coyote that looked as though he wanted to eat mah babehs. He was truly fired up. It was nuts. He needed a lady friend or something to relax I swear. No WONDER that one was there.

There are lots of spots to stop and feed the animals, toss feed of various sorts into the water or into their cages. The kids loved that part. Ok we kind of loved it too. Why is it so much fun to feed animals? Some native urge to be a farmer?

It's about an hour and a half from where we live, ish - depending on traffic in the ATL which is suck-ass on a good day. It was an awesome day in the sun with mother nature and some of her creatures.
Even the coyote who wanted to eat mah babehs.

Now, I've had my fill of nature for 09. Bring me indoor events I say! It's HOT HERE!