It was too warm to be Christmas holidays but we went down on Saturday to the Fernbank to spend some time and maybe catch some of their activities.
I'm not sure, why but I think we could go to the Fernbank every day and the kids would like. I guess dinosaurs are that magical. They have a lot of other things, but there's something about the dinosaurs that is just undeniable.
They had a Christmas tree scavenger hunt and Julia proudly found all of the items on the trees. She then told the docent that she had found them all and it was ok to put them away, the game was over. Apparently the game was just for her.
Fernbank is someplace we've been coming since we moved here, and I've kind of watched my kids grow up in this place, taking the same pictures over and over through time since back when we were five instead of six.
I'm glad we went but I wish we went more, and maybe that's something we'll do a better job of in the new year. Since Mom and Dad died I've just been hard to motivate. I want to do stuff and make things awesome with the kids but I find myself unable to think much past the chair I'm sitting in a lot of the time.
I asked my mom once, a long time ago, how she managed to not just completely fall apart when our baby died. She told me she didn't have that luxury, she had me, she had to keep going the best she could because she had a little girl who needed her.
That's kind of me right now. I'm keeping going the best I can. I'm moving forward and trying to do things and not always succeeding but every single day I just want to lay in my bed.
That's not true now that I think about it. It's not true that I want to lay in my bed. I don't know what I want. So I try to keep going and keep moving and I figure it'll sort out eventually. I don't have the luxury of falling apart. I have four little children who need me, and I won't fail them.
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