A Mommy Blog About Raising Men, Not Boys.

Thursday, December 06, 2012

So You Went For The Girl?

Ok first of all, thats a super rude thing to say to someone. If you are in the habit of saying it, you should probably stop. You certainly shouldn't be saying it in front of someone's OTHER children, because the implication there is "man too bad you had all these boys, lucky you finally got the one you wanted."

But, since people the world over have no manners, I hear this a lot - even now.

You want the truth? It's more complicated than that.
Some people have spiritual beliefs that propel them in their reproduction. Whether it's "have as many children as you can" or some think they receive divine messages when it's time to have another baby, most people have a belief system I find.
I don't really have one of those, I'd freely admit we tried for and got another baby purely out of selfish reasons. Perhaps because we DID want the girl (we did). Some probably think we were looking for a do-over on the twins, possibly that's true in some way because how unfair is it that they're BOTH autistic?

But neither of those things are 100% true nor were they the driver behind us, as a family, deciding that we wanted that 4th baby.

The reason that we had #4 is simple. Someone was missing. We didn't know who. But we both felt it, this void at our dinner table. There was another little hand we were supposed to be holding. Someone else was supposed to be in this family. And I admit, I was exicted that it was a girl who joined us, I would also have been excited if it had been a boy.
She is making a noodle mustache
I don't know why she was supposed to be here, but I know in my heart she was.

Possibly, it's just to made noodle mustaches at the table during dinner.


Frank said...

Yes she was missing. I always knew it.

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Sascha Frangilli said...

I never knew you had written all these blogs, I just assumed they were pics appearing on FB! LOL. Love this one, I sometimes think I miss another little person in my life. However, it was not meant to be. Maybe in another life I will have 13 kids and wish I had just 1 (like I do now). xxxxx

Lynn said...

We heard that a lot too. With 3 girls, people asked if we were going to try for a boy... Like you, I knew I wanted a fourth, just felt it and knew it was what I wanted. After I had my third daughter, I said to my husband, I really want a fourth and if it's a boy, I might want a fifth because he'll need a buddy. Little did I know that my fourth came with a fifth. We did not find out the gender of the twins, but you can imagine the comments we got about that. When they came out boys, I was shocked! I had no idea how to parent boys!! But I do know that saying, "you finally got your boys!" or "I bet your husband is so happy to have sons" is rude and really, really annoying!