Just when you think that you won't be able to distract yourself from a test you're not looking forward to, reality comes along and gives you something to figure out.
Such as - why is my child making that noise with is nose?
And - why is he gingerly touching his nose making a snuffing sound?
When I tilt his head back......I see the problem.
He's stuffed popcorn kernels into his nostrils.
Both of them.
I try to dislodge them with my pinkie fingernail but quickly realize that this is pushing them further back. So I gingerly push from his cheeks toward the opening of his nose and VOILA - it rains popcorn kernels out his nose.
Ahhhhhhh.......the stuff they don't put in the books - eh?
Know what else they don't put in books? Well, they might put it in books, but like - they don't properly beat you over the head with it - is that they're gonna scare the bejesus out of you about down syndrome if you're an older mother.
We're going tomorrow to get the baby screened for down syndrome. It's a fancy ultrasound that looks for physical markers. If they see the physical markers they'll recomment amniocentesis.
85% of all Down Syndrome children are born to women under 35. My chance of having a Child with Down Syndrome is only 2% - which is 98% chance of it not being a problem at all then isn't it?
Yet I fret a little.
I suppose at this point all I can hope is that some day he or she grows up, and doesn't stick popcorn kernels up her nose.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Popcorn and Down Syndrome Screening
Just when you think that you won't be able to distract yourself from a test you're not looking forward to, reality comes along and gives you something to figure out.
Such as - why is my child making that noise with is nose?
And - why is he gingerly touching his nose making a snuffing sound?
When I tilt his head back......I see the problem.
He's stuffed popcorn kernels into his nostrils.
Both of them.
I try to dislodge them with my pinkie fingernail but quickly realize that this is pushing them further back. So I gingerly push from his cheeks toward the opening of his nose and VOILA - it rains popcorn kernels out his nose.
Ahhhhhhh.......the stuff they don't put in the books - eh?
Know what else they don't put in books? Well, they might put it in books, but like - they don't properly beat you over the head with it - is that they're gonna scare the bejesus out of you about down syndrome if you're an older mother.
We're going tomorrow to get the baby screened for down syndrome. It's a fancy ultrasound that looks for physical markers. If they see the physical markers they'll recomment amniocentesis.
85% of all Down Syndrome children are born to women under 35. My chance of having a Child with Down Syndrome is only 2% - which is 98% chance of it not being a problem at all then isn't it?
Yet I fret a little.
I suppose at this point all I can hope is that some day he or she grows up, and doesn't stick popcorn kernels up her nose.
Such as - why is my child making that noise with is nose?
And - why is he gingerly touching his nose making a snuffing sound?
When I tilt his head back......I see the problem.
He's stuffed popcorn kernels into his nostrils.
Both of them.
I try to dislodge them with my pinkie fingernail but quickly realize that this is pushing them further back. So I gingerly push from his cheeks toward the opening of his nose and VOILA - it rains popcorn kernels out his nose.
Ahhhhhhh.......the stuff they don't put in the books - eh?
Know what else they don't put in books? Well, they might put it in books, but like - they don't properly beat you over the head with it - is that they're gonna scare the bejesus out of you about down syndrome if you're an older mother.
We're going tomorrow to get the baby screened for down syndrome. It's a fancy ultrasound that looks for physical markers. If they see the physical markers they'll recomment amniocentesis.
85% of all Down Syndrome children are born to women under 35. My chance of having a Child with Down Syndrome is only 2% - which is 98% chance of it not being a problem at all then isn't it?
Yet I fret a little.
I suppose at this point all I can hope is that some day he or she grows up, and doesn't stick popcorn kernels up her nose.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
The Pregnant Nightmares
They say that it's really normal to have crazy, horrible, visceral nightmares when you are pregnant.
I find that to be disturbingly true.
Some people apparently have dreams of killing, or being killed or axe murderers and stuff like that - of doing things that are unthinkable. They awake terrified that these might be things they will do, when in fact their hormones are just running wild during their REM sleep.
I also dream crazy, horrible nightmares - more and more lately.
Mine are always what I consider the Sophie's Choice/Kobayashi Maru variety. I'm always presented with the unwinnable situation - which could result in death for my children - and in it I spend my nightmare working out HOW I would thwart that.
I find that to be disturbingly true.
Some people apparently have dreams of killing, or being killed or axe murderers and stuff like that - of doing things that are unthinkable. They awake terrified that these might be things they will do, when in fact their hormones are just running wild during their REM sleep.
I also dream crazy, horrible nightmares - more and more lately.
Mine are always what I consider the Sophie's Choice/Kobayashi Maru variety. I'm always presented with the unwinnable situation - which could result in death for my children - and in it I spend my nightmare working out HOW I would thwart that.
How I would cheat, and beat the machine.
How will I escape a car sinking in water, with now 4 children? What is my plan? Fire? Hiding from a madman - how will I keep them quiet?
I wake up dripping with sweat - and sometimes go look in their room so that I can just hear them sleep for a few minutes.
I always win, in my dreams, but it doesn't make the terror any less.
I can swim onto the top of my car somehow, and get them all onto the roof with me - despite any obstacles I can do it. I am stronger than I actually am, I am faster than I actually am -
I am unwilling to accept the alternative.........and therefore........I win.
But as my heart pounds in my chest and I feel my next family member squirm in my tummy........I wish these nightmares would stop.
Mommy will keep you safe. Now stop.
The Pregnant Nightmares
They say that it's really normal to have crazy, horrible, visceral nightmares when you are pregnant.
I find that to be disturbingly true.
Some people apparently have dreams of killing, or being killed or axe murderers and stuff like that - of doing things that are unthinkable. They awake terrified that these might be things they will do, when in fact their hormones are just running wild during their REM sleep.
I also dream crazy, horrible nightmares - more and more lately.
Mine are always what I consider the Sophie's Choice/Kobayashi Maru variety. I'm always presented with the unwinnable situation - which could result in death for my children - and in it I spend my nightmare working out HOW I would thwart that.
I find that to be disturbingly true.
Some people apparently have dreams of killing, or being killed or axe murderers and stuff like that - of doing things that are unthinkable. They awake terrified that these might be things they will do, when in fact their hormones are just running wild during their REM sleep.
I also dream crazy, horrible nightmares - more and more lately.
Mine are always what I consider the Sophie's Choice/Kobayashi Maru variety. I'm always presented with the unwinnable situation - which could result in death for my children - and in it I spend my nightmare working out HOW I would thwart that.
How I would cheat, and beat the machine.
How will I escape a car sinking in water, with now 4 children? What is my plan? Fire? Hiding from a madman - how will I keep them quiet?
I wake up dripping with sweat - and sometimes go look in their room so that I can just hear them sleep for a few minutes.
I always win, in my dreams, but it doesn't make the terror any less.
I can swim onto the top of my car somehow, and get them all onto the roof with me - despite any obstacles I can do it. I am stronger than I actually am, I am faster than I actually am -
I am unwilling to accept the alternative.........and therefore........I win.
But as my heart pounds in my chest and I feel my next family member squirm in my tummy........I wish these nightmares would stop.
Mommy will keep you safe. Now stop.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Avon Has Magic Makeup
I didn't know it, but Avon has evolved over the years. One of the ladies I work with is selling Avon so I've fallen prey to it's allure once again. The first thing I noticed was that Reese Witherspoon is one of their major models these days (bizarre).
I mean, she's practically a LENO she has such an amazing chin. Yet - in page after page of the Avon Catalog ........she's a normal chinned human.
If AVON makeup can do this for Reese Witherspoon - imagine what it can do for mere mortals like me! YAY!
The second thing I noticed is that somehow they manage to disguise her freakshow of a chin.
I mean, that is a freakshow. It's like an appendage. I have never, ever understood the "allure" of her beauty when she's sporting a chin like that. She must have an amazing manager.
I mean, she's practically a LENO she has such an amazing chin. Yet - in page after page of the Avon Catalog ........she's a normal chinned human.
If AVON makeup can do this for Reese Witherspoon - imagine what it can do for mere mortals like me! YAY!
Avon Has Magic Makeup
I didn't know it, but Avon has evolved over the years. One of the ladies I work with is selling Avon so I've fallen prey to it's allure once again. The first thing I noticed was that Reese Witherspoon is one of their major models these days (bizarre).
I mean, she's practically a LENO she has such an amazing chin. Yet - in page after page of the Avon Catalog ........she's a normal chinned human.
If AVON makeup can do this for Reese Witherspoon - imagine what it can do for mere mortals like me! YAY!
The second thing I noticed is that somehow they manage to disguise her freakshow of a chin.
I mean, that is a freakshow. It's like an appendage. I have never, ever understood the "allure" of her beauty when she's sporting a chin like that. She must have an amazing manager.
I mean, she's practically a LENO she has such an amazing chin. Yet - in page after page of the Avon Catalog ........she's a normal chinned human.
If AVON makeup can do this for Reese Witherspoon - imagine what it can do for mere mortals like me! YAY!
Sunday, October 11, 2009
I.Am.Sick.
So, I need to write a birthday post but as I sit here sucking in my much needed oxygen, I realized that I should share something with you.
Pregnancy reduces your immune system's efficiency. This is how it keeps your body from destroying that little creature you are growing - which to your immune system is an intruder.
I've learned this the hard way over the last two weeks. H1N1, a UTI and now......ready for the icing and little candy baubles for the cake?
Sinus infection with PNEUMONIA!
My regular physician holds office hours on Saturdays - so I went down there yesterday after a crappy sick birthday and feeling even worse Saturday when I awoke.
He sent me straight to the hospital.
I also learned that we have two hospitals in this county and one ER is full of people who have been shot, and one plays genteel new age music while surrounding you with soft wood tones and pastels and each ER patients gets a private room with a door that closes.
Guess which one my doctor sent me to?
They dropped an IV on me and a sent respiratory who pronounced pneumonia and everybody came by to jam stuff in my IV of various ilk and I napped until the ultrasound lady showed up to check and monitor the baby.
My best story of my visit was that after they had me doped up and hooked up, they decided they wanted some pee. So the IV and I waddled down to the bathroom - and I do the WIPE of the va-jayjay and I've got the cup in my teeth......and.....I am sort of really sleepy and suddenly I realize I've peed.
In the toilet.
Not in the cup.
So I had to go back and tell my RN that I had FORGOTTEN to pee in the cup.
Which she thought was fairly funny.
They sent me home after several hours where I promptly went to bed, waking only for some dinner and then back to bed. My plan today is to lay on the sofa and watch football, and sleep.
Not necessarily in that order.
I leave you with a pic of the boy, executing a very stylish dart throw at the fair.
Pregnancy reduces your immune system's efficiency. This is how it keeps your body from destroying that little creature you are growing - which to your immune system is an intruder.
I've learned this the hard way over the last two weeks. H1N1, a UTI and now......ready for the icing and little candy baubles for the cake?
Sinus infection with PNEUMONIA!
My regular physician holds office hours on Saturdays - so I went down there yesterday after a crappy sick birthday and feeling even worse Saturday when I awoke.
He sent me straight to the hospital.
I also learned that we have two hospitals in this county and one ER is full of people who have been shot, and one plays genteel new age music while surrounding you with soft wood tones and pastels and each ER patients gets a private room with a door that closes.
Guess which one my doctor sent me to?
They dropped an IV on me and a sent respiratory who pronounced pneumonia and everybody came by to jam stuff in my IV of various ilk and I napped until the ultrasound lady showed up to check and monitor the baby.
My best story of my visit was that after they had me doped up and hooked up, they decided they wanted some pee. So the IV and I waddled down to the bathroom - and I do the WIPE of the va-jayjay and I've got the cup in my teeth......and.....I am sort of really sleepy and suddenly I realize I've peed.
In the toilet.
Not in the cup.
So I had to go back and tell my RN that I had FORGOTTEN to pee in the cup.
Which she thought was fairly funny.
They sent me home after several hours where I promptly went to bed, waking only for some dinner and then back to bed. My plan today is to lay on the sofa and watch football, and sleep.
Not necessarily in that order.
I leave you with a pic of the boy, executing a very stylish dart throw at the fair.
I.Am.Sick.
So, I need to write a birthday post but as I sit here sucking in my much needed oxygen, I realized that I should share something with you.
Pregnancy reduces your immune system's efficiency. This is how it keeps your body from destroying that little creature you are growing - which to your immune system is an intruder.
I've learned this the hard way over the last two weeks. H1N1, a UTI and now......ready for the icing and little candy baubles for the cake?
Sinus infection with PNEUMONIA!
My regular physician holds office hours on Saturdays - so I went down there yesterday after a crappy sick birthday and feeling even worse Saturday when I awoke.
He sent me straight to the hospital.
I also learned that we have two hospitals in this county and one ER is full of people who have been shot, and one plays genteel new age music while surrounding you with soft wood tones and pastels and each ER patients gets a private room with a door that closes.
Guess which one my doctor sent me to?
They dropped an IV on me and a sent respiratory who pronounced pneumonia and everybody came by to jam stuff in my IV of various ilk and I napped until the ultrasound lady showed up to check and monitor the baby.
My best story of my visit was that after they had me doped up and hooked up, they decided they wanted some pee. So the IV and I waddled down to the bathroom - and I do the WIPE of the va-jayjay and I've got the cup in my teeth......and.....I am sort of really sleepy and suddenly I realize I've peed.
In the toilet.
Not in the cup.
So I had to go back and tell my RN that I had FORGOTTEN to pee in the cup.
Which she thought was fairly funny.
They sent me home after several hours where I promptly went to bed, waking only for some dinner and then back to bed. My plan today is to lay on the sofa and watch football, and sleep.
Not necessarily in that order.
I leave you with a pic of the boy, executing a very stylish dart throw at the fair.
Pregnancy reduces your immune system's efficiency. This is how it keeps your body from destroying that little creature you are growing - which to your immune system is an intruder.
I've learned this the hard way over the last two weeks. H1N1, a UTI and now......ready for the icing and little candy baubles for the cake?
Sinus infection with PNEUMONIA!
My regular physician holds office hours on Saturdays - so I went down there yesterday after a crappy sick birthday and feeling even worse Saturday when I awoke.
He sent me straight to the hospital.
I also learned that we have two hospitals in this county and one ER is full of people who have been shot, and one plays genteel new age music while surrounding you with soft wood tones and pastels and each ER patients gets a private room with a door that closes.
Guess which one my doctor sent me to?
They dropped an IV on me and a sent respiratory who pronounced pneumonia and everybody came by to jam stuff in my IV of various ilk and I napped until the ultrasound lady showed up to check and monitor the baby.
My best story of my visit was that after they had me doped up and hooked up, they decided they wanted some pee. So the IV and I waddled down to the bathroom - and I do the WIPE of the va-jayjay and I've got the cup in my teeth......and.....I am sort of really sleepy and suddenly I realize I've peed.
In the toilet.
Not in the cup.
So I had to go back and tell my RN that I had FORGOTTEN to pee in the cup.
Which she thought was fairly funny.
They sent me home after several hours where I promptly went to bed, waking only for some dinner and then back to bed. My plan today is to lay on the sofa and watch football, and sleep.
Not necessarily in that order.
I leave you with a pic of the boy, executing a very stylish dart throw at the fair.
