A Mommy Blog About Raising Men, Not Boys.

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

The College Boys

You know, the college boys weren't really that abundant. I didn't date much, I hung around with girl friends, went to parties and danced with a lot of guys but spent most of my time with my girls. I am not sorry about that, it was a lot of fun. As I reckon it, I actually only had two boyfriends during the years that fell under COLLEGE
  • Donn X - again, another X. He played Baseball for Indiana State University and apparently was pretty good because he talked to major league scouts pretty regularly. Maybe he ended up playing in the majors, I have no idea. I remember he spelled his first name with 2 NNs which was pretentious and annoying. He was mostly vain and prissy, terribly interested in his body (which was FINE) and how people looked. But he was sort of cool to a Freshman Co-Ed, he was playing Varsity Ball and was good looking. I don't even have a good memory of what he looked like except that he was good looking and everyone thought so. Donn and I started going out right after school started, dating through fall break and then we broke up right after the first of the year, so that was about 5 months of dating or so, maybe four. One of the most memorable things about Donn was not Donn himself, it was dance that he was SUPPOSED to go with to, but since we broke up my friend Tim went instead. (I had a much better time with Tim, I am sure!) But since I had talked Donn and his animal prowess up to all my sorority sisters (I had just pledged) they all assumed Tim was Donn and were giving him the KNOWING EYE. Tim eventually fashioned himself a sign that said "My name is not Donn" and wore it around all night. At the end of the night we made a "man" out of tinsel and foil decorations and hung the sign around it's neck. I have a picture of it somewhere. How did we break up? He quit calling, and quit returning calls. The most chicken-shit of all break up tactics.
  • One interlude - my one and only blind date. I don't even know his name. This annoying pseudo-friend who lived on the floor below me had her home town honey boyfriend coming in from Cornfield county and wanted me to double date with his "best friend" who was coming in. We met a Denny's. I have never in my life smelled a person who smelled like this. He looked like Napoleon Dynamite, only NOT AS GOOD LOOKING, and he smelled like ASS, FEET and ARMPITS. Oh god. We walked back to their hotel from Denny's, the girl and the boyfriend asked us to go get some sodas adn when we got back they had locked the door and were going at it. I ended up walking back to the dorm like four miles in the rain, because El Stinko asked if he could kiss me. Ummmmm, no.
  • Steve the First - Steve the first was a complete twit who worked at the pizza joint I worked with. (what is with all the TWITS I dated?) He was sort of ugly in a Steve Perry way but I was fascinated with him for reasons I don't understand. Then at some point in the time of dating, I figured out he was still dating this girl in HIGHSCHOOL, ewwww. He wouldn't break up with her........and well we never spoke again. I don't think we ever broke up, we just stopped short.


Running2Ks said...

Wow, that sounds like a bad episode of the Dating Game. I wouldn't have wanted those experiences in college. Lucky you saw through them and moved on!

Tim said...

I completely forgot about the "I am not Donn" night. I do remember all those sisters looking at my face then sliding south. I guess it's what you had to put up with when guys looked at your, uh, assets...

christa said...

i think tim should have written his name as "timm" on the sign. or maybe, to hit the message home, "timmm".

April Brandon said...

thank god you have a sense of humor....lmao!!!

Tim said...

What was that movie? Oh yea, "the secret of Nimh". Who knew there was a secret of Timm or Timh...?

Anonymous said...

Okay, belt yourself in for a long one...

Number 1, I am disappointed because I was waiting for the raciest chapter yet. You start with a throbbing member and then fizzle out and 'stop short'?!


Number 2, who knew that band people were such swingers? I always thought they were geeks (this from my secure perch in outsiderville - not even 'in' enough to be a geek.)

Number 3, NO, I do NOT remember BASIC! Are we talking computer language BASIC? Did I sleep through high school? We had no such options. Ahh, public school in Florida.

Number 4, NEVER trust anyone named DANICA! She sounds like a backstabbing wench, doesn't she!? Or some sort of copy machine or camera. Konica Minolta Danica - Take-A You Boyfriend and Fuckicka.

Number 5, Attractive in a 'Steve Perry sort of way' ??? Isn't that an oxymoron? Those rumors that he had throat cancer were untrue, it was just that his sideburns crawled up his nose and implanted in his brain. ACKKK!

Number whatever, Okay, let's lay our cards on the table, you raging hussy. You were some kind of mad wild chick back in the day!

At first I was worried if you had been checked for silent STD's, but I see you did it the right way.

Wish I had been waaaay more adventurous in middle and high school, and less of a flaming floozie in college...

But the sorority thing worries me.

Being the anti-establishment, green shaved hair combat boot trench coat wearing (so predictable) Greek basher that I was, I just gotta ask one thing...

Tell me it wasn't DELTA DELTA DELTA, okay?!!


The whole trilogy of posts made me laugh. I especially loved the Donn/Timm thing. Wish I could've been there to (not) check out the anatomy of a stand-in.

Reminds me of a night spent tripping on a hill and discussing my friend Random Fuck Jon vs. John the Almighty.

Ahhhh, those were the days.

Anonymous said...

Fucking psycho.

Anonymous said...

Hey Gidge,

If you talk to Becky, could you let her know I have a serious longing to watch 'Hee-Haw' reruns with my head between her silky thighs?

Appreciate it!


Becky said...


Gidge Uriza said...

well.......ummmmmm, I'll tell her.
I'm not sure of what sort of reception I'll get, or the actual silkiness of her thighs...........

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah said...

I don't even get the joke.

Or was it supposed to be a threat?

Becky said...

Dude. I don't know. I think I'm being confused with someone else.

Anonymous said...


number 1, you are a fucking nut bag.

number 2, your writing makes me think you are the victim of some head trauma

number 3, what the fuck is the matter with you

number 4, green shaved hair does not make sense... moron

number 5, shut your pie hole

Anonymous said...

oopsie, sorry, I meant to say, I want to suck on your toes while I watch 'BJ and the Bear' reruns.

Something about that monkey...

And who knows about my jaded past on North OBT? (otherwise known as Orange Blossom Trail).

Mom, is that you?

Don't just scold me,

spank me mommy, spank me!

Gidge Uriza said...

I have no idea what is happening on my own Blog.
The internet is a beautiful thing.

Anonymous said...

I'm a huge whore.

Anonymous said...

.... and my ass stank

Anonymous said...

heidi is a fucking tool

Anonymous said...

golly, I guess I'm so fabulous that I'm being CLONED!

(blush, blush).

But what's that line about making a copy of a copy of a copy?

I think if anyone is confused about which comments are actually mine, just check and see who seems to be fighting a battle of wits while woefully unarmed.

Or should I just wait for this to degenerate into

neh neh neh neh neh boo boo ?

'nuff said.

kisses to you gidge, and sorry someone got so off base from your (as always) interesting posts.

the real heidi (standing up)

Anonymous said...

she is still a fucking tool